Hello all.
Ive come back to take a look around to see how people are doing and to update matters for those people who sent me encouragement and support last year.
In October I underwent the abdominal lymph node dissection. I stayed in hospital for 9 days, and in that time ate 3 oranges, one weetabix and slept for perhaps 4 hours collectively. 2 nights spent in HDU struggling with the epidural balance then eventually permitted morphine after enduring the worst acute pain of my adult life. I would drift off to sleep around 15 minutes before lights on and the porters would come bustling into the ward offering cups of morning tea.
I wanted my own bed. But I was weak. weaker than a new born lamb with a serious case of the 'can't be arseds'
I needed the doctor to say yes you can go, I need the physio to say yes you can go.
'Can you climb up 5 of these steps please robert?
He asked me, after they'd wheeled me to some quiet under used wing of the hospital. So I climbed the bloody lot.
'Dya want me to keep going or...'
Safe to say I was happy to be allowed home after the physiotherapists signed me off as a fit, albeit about 18 lbs lighter than when I went in.
I then spent the rest of November and December on the sick. Building up my fitness feeling half fit around Christmas and New Year.
A visit to my oncologist in December revealed that the tissue taken away was seminoma based and If id walked into his office with a little more bounce and recovered better since surgery, then he would have suggested I begin an intense course of VIP chemo.
Not great news.
I then returned to work along with everyone else at the beginning of Jan only to be told by my manager that I wasnt needed.
I wont mention facts only that Im pursuing matters further but I kept my cool and left with dignity as many of my colleagues were doing the accusing for me.
I am pursuing a new career. One in the Health Service as a physiotherapist.
Thankfully after a recent visit in February my doctor is now confident to keep me on surveillance saying I dont need further chemo.
After all the events of the last 2 years. One thing I can be sure of is what it means to have your Health. If you lose it THEN you value it. When it returns, Its quite easy for old habits to emerge and for things to be taken for granted.
Finding a balance of normallity without keeping your past struggles as some form of war medal on display is the key.
Many of you will understand this dilemma. whether suffering with cancer or being the carer. You dont want to forget but you dont want to be reminded. Knowing that health is something that rises and falls is something I've learned to accept. One line of wisdom that helped me realise this was.
'Winter comes, regardless of whether you want it to or not'
But then again spring comes, then summer. You find yourself making plans. You then understand that this is the way its meant to be. You dont meet many people who breeze through life without a scratch on 'em. They exist yeah but I bet they're really boring when it comes to comparing scars!!
There has been financial implications too. But those will be dealt with. MacMillan and all the people involved with fundraising are and continue to be a source of guidance and support. And I really hope that this year I can carry out my pledge to give something back whether it be one of the organised hikes or personal sponsored indoor climbing (which ive yet to learn - that was the plan last year)
Wishing you all well with your own personal battles - It WILL come to an end.
Robert x
