On the 24th of April, this year. I was sitting alone in a small room in a very large hospital. A man walked in, introduced himself and asked me to drop my trousers. He told me his name and that he was one of the chief urologists. Within 2 mins of inspecting me. He said these words.
'Well Robert. Im not going to waste any time sending you down for a scan. You do have cancer. and well....that (points) has got to go.'
I smiled....the I grinned....then I shook my head...while smiling still..
ten minutes later, while sitting in surgical pre-assesment I stood up and walked a few yards and shed more than few tears as the realisation dawned on me.
2 days later I found my resolve and was ruthlessly determined to beat this.
3 days later I was undergoing surgery to 'remove' part of me. The recovery of that surgey is something I will never forget and neither willI I forget the time I waited to be told of my results and what treatment I was to face.
Today, I have been given the last of my chemotherapy - that little bag of bleomycin....horrible stuff!!!!
Today I have ended the regime that was explained to me many many weeks ago. Today I have looked at myself as one of the luckier ones. I have met only a handful of men and women all going through treatment for cancer, all from different backgrounds. I have come across some guys who's futures are quite bleak but still continue to fight it.
I will continue to fight it. I am merely a percentage, a statistic now. I have come through the other side of this a person who who never took his health for granted in the first place but has realised the importance of TIME. its not the shock of being told I had cancer that was the lighting bolt up the arse. It wasn't the feeling of wanting the bad days of chemo to end or the not wanting to go back to hospital that gave me focus and determination. It is the lack of control, the 'sentence' passed down to deal with the cancer and having those months of your life utterly compromised with months of treatment, hoping that things will work and what are you going to do if they dont.?? TIME goes very slow in hospital...it does for me.
There isnt much left of 2009. but im telling you now. im not hanging about!!. I dont like to think of it as catch up..Ill do it at my own pace.
I have approached Macmillan fundraising team in West Yorkshire and look forward to putting some of my energy into their ongoing efforts.
I caught my cancer early and in so doing have been given a very good outlook. I have met some people who havent.
If I cant take advantage of my strength and determination and use it to help those that helped me then I consider that pretty bloody ungrateful. the last 4 months has given much to think about...But now im finished with chemo, I can start to build on all the things Ive had to sideline.
I wish everyone well with their own personal battles be it yours.....or someone else's
Heres a link to a song that sums things up very well, one I found particularly inspiring.
'All the plans that you made....but your plans blew away' yep :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqT7Tpn4KWk
Goodbye for now -- Robert
