Had a fight with my husband this morning....
He thinks I am shutting him out. Not talking to him about what is going on. Dont get me wrong he is absolutely fantastic and wants to help me through this and would do absolutely anthing for me. So I dont know why I just dont want to talk to him about this.
I am telling myself that its because i dont want to upset him by saying how i really feel.that im trying to protect him......He just says im in denial and its not healthy.
I just want to pretend as if it is not happening. I dont want every conversation i have become one about tests, or cancer, or the fact we cant have children. I just want everything to go back t the way it was.
And i just want to do it my way. Maybe i am not coping so good, and maybe i should cry, or talk to about it but i just dont want to. I just want...... oh i dont know what i want it changes too often.
But it is bloody hard and i am not ready to accept that this is my new life.....
I want my old worries, my old life back........
I want to worry about whats for dinner, not am i going to have to have chemo......
Maybe I should just go back to bed and hope tommorrow is better......
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