…..ponderings, Bad Fairy style. Why does it seem that only my white hairs are falling out with this chemo and not the dark ones? My yellow Labrador seems to “melt” more than the black two do, maybe there‘s an explanation in there somewhere! Or maybe there are just more white ones to fall out in the first place. Why are young children so accepting and resilient when life throws them some tough stuff to deal with? Why do I manage to set the smoke detector off whenever I make toast? Why is it that I go from feeling guilty to emotional in thirty seconds? An example, having my pre chemo blood test done on Monday, I told the phlebotomist I felt guilty jumping the queue (after dodging daggers in the waiting room). She pointed out that she didn’t think there was one person in the waiting room who, knowing my circumstances, would offer to change places with me and I wasn’t to feel at all guilty. I hadn’t thought about it like that before but I think she had a point. Why do I now have freckles? Why do people use the words fight, battle and lost when they talk about cancer? I‘m not saying these are the wrong words, after all we all have to use language which inspires us to keep going. Fighting and battling to me means that there is a winner and loser. One day I will lose because I started with an uneven playing field, I don’t mind being the underdog, but this is more like being the underdog’s underdog! It’s a bit like a knight going to battle against a dragon and he doesn’t get issued with a horse or a sword, slightly unfair and doesn’t really give him much of a chance does it? Anyway despite all of that I’m not a loser (and never will be where cancer is concerned)… so to me this is an adventure. I’m having new experiences, new challenges, making new friends and seeing the world through different eyes ….and you can’t lose on an adventure! Why do I always ask questions?!
