Well, as if a year of a terrifying, world changing, pandemic was not enough to deal with! After a few bloody stools and a visit to my local surgery in London, my entire world began to tilt upside down, in a rather nightmarish way. Follow up colonoscopy (simple enough with fantastic smiling NHS staff), a CT scan was requested and carried out. All of this done within the space of 4 weeks. Considering what is currently going on with rising cases and Tier 4 in London, I remain grateful. And I try to remain positive and hopeful. I am always considered the 'strong' friend, the one always smiling and lifting everyone else up. And mostly, looking after a disabled husband and two young sons. How can I, as wife and carer, be ill, I feel fine! And so suddenly? Emotions ranging from anger,guilt, despair and hopelessness abound in my heart and mind constantly this last month. All whilst ensuring my kids remain unaware as right now, following the year of uncertainty and loneliness we have all experienced, they are certainly not ready for further bleak news.
Tomorrow morning, 24th, we go to sit down with a team of doctors for the results and to hear my future plan. My future life mapped out for me, a somewhat different one. I pray for strength and for endurance to face the music bravely. I feel ashamed to cry in front of strangers, and will not be doing this in front of a panel. I have done enough. Time to strengthen up and get a grip, I tell myself, until I feel it working.
Now, I will try to rest, sleep and try to focus on the positives in my life, come what may.
Update coming soon x
