Day didn't start too promising again today, didn't even want to get out of bed! Eventually got my sorry a**e up and at 'em and tidied up a bit.
Silence shattered when 2 girls and grandchildren came in. They were allready bickering and had been here 5 minutes. That then put me in a bad mood and we all ended up shouting at each other.
Think I am going through a bit of an angry phase at the moment. Seems like the girls are oblivious to what's going on, but know they are not as Lauren (Youngest) is having a hard time of it at the moment, and I suggested she join this site. My eldest just stays very quiet and I am sure she is struggling too.
I watched my mother die of Pacreatic cancer and it was heartbreaking, so I have some insight into what they are feeling. Admittedly I wasn't full of raging hormones at the time, so can only partly understand what they are experiencing. (My memory is not good enough to remember as far back as my teenage years.) I remember just wanting to do as much as possible for my Mum and spend as much time as possible with her too.
My girls are both lovely and I love them very much, we have always been a demonstritive family and I am always telling them that I love them. My grandchildren lift my spirits, but I feel guilty and selfish as I want some time on my own at the moment to try and digest what is going on.
My husband is starting to get his head round things a bit more now, but still frequently lapses into the ignore it and it might go away catagory.
We are going out to a barbie tonight at a friends house who has just had the all clear from bc. I said it may do him good to be able to discuss how he was feeling with her husband as he has been through it all. His reply was that he "didn't want to sit round a table discussing it" What!!!! Neither do I. I want to have fun and socialise. I will never understand men.
I had some more flowers from some old friends yesterday, which was lovely and I had a nice suprise in the post this afternoon. My elder sister sent me a radley bag, she said instead of flowers. Bless her, it is lovely. My younger sister comes back from her holiday today and will pop in to see me, so that will cheer me up too.
I am at work tomorrow and then my pre op will be here on Monday. Keeping my fingers crossed that they will have some scan results for me.
Sending lots of love and hugs and positive vibes to everyone.
Debbie. xxx
FormerMember
Hi Debbie
Your husband sounds just like mine. Kevin hates illness and finds it really difficult to cope with or to discuss. I sometimes feel like I'm fighting this all by myself and long for a hug and some comforting words from him. Yesterday I consented for my chemo and came back from the Cancer Centre with a thick file of reading material. I suggested to Kevin that he read the bit about the drugs I'll be having and the possible side effects and he just didn't seem to want to know. I know it's not that he doesn't care, he just hates the thought that I have to go through this for 6 months and the whole stress of it all. In some ways I'm glad that it's me that's got the cancer because I don't think he would be able to cope if it was him. The prospect of having a camera up his bum would be his worse nightmare!
Anyway, you keep your spirits up. Monday for pre op and your eventual surgery will soon be here, then it's onwards and upwards!
Thanks Angela, it seems so isolating when they won't discuss things with you. My husband has always been the same. I know he loves and cares for me, but he is so undemonstrative and I am a very tactile person. I have always found this side of him hard to deal with, but I don't think he is going to change after 25 years!!
I feel the exact same way about the hugs and the comforting words, think it may be a female thing and men think they have to have a stiff upper lip etc.
Sending lots of love and hugs your way. Debbie. xx
I too watched my mother die from pancreatic cancer I was 19yrs old, she was 51. Also I can relate to wanting time on your own, you've got alot to take on board, but your girls do mean well as Im sure they just want to help in anyway possible. My family were just the same when I was diagnosed the house was full of family and out came photo albums it went on for days until I finally stopped it. For me it was the shock of having cancer and needing space to start to come to terms with it, my mind was going round and round and still is truth be known. My advise would be take a deep breath, ask for some space and take each step as it comes, try not to let your mind race around and enjoy your barbie! Best Wishes Ruthxx
Perhaps they came from the same pea pod! I don't think Kev will ever change, and we've been together for 29 years (married 27). My 2 sons, who are 23 and 25 don't usually show their emotions either, although my eldest son, Rob, did get extremely angry after my diagnosis because it appears my cancer was missed back in September 2008. I even got kisses from my youngest every time he came to visit me in hospital (wonders will never cease). I haven't had any since I got back home though!
Never mind Debbie, we'll have to gee one another along.
It is i think a man thing they dont like to talk about illness.Ihave been the same sometimes and i know another person with cancer and her husband wont talk about it at all. best wishes michellexx
