Hi Guys,
thought it was time I dropped you all a line hehe...actually, it is more a case of needing to verbalise my many thoughts again before they take over what is left of my brain!!
The past few weeks have been a real struggle, coming to terms with ones own mortality is no mean feat. I have been up and down emotionally and on top of that have had to watch another close friend of mine slowly go downhill. Life really can be unfair sometimes...
I know that lately I have been behaving differently towards family and friends and I have thought about it a lot and come to a conclusion, which I think makes sense, at least in my mind.
Nesting...you know, ladies,when you are pregnant, you get that urge to flit around constantly primping and preparing your nest for that all important arrival? Its natural, its even done subconsciously without you realising. So if we do that when we are about to welcome new life...who is to say we don't behave in a similar way when we are "preparing to leave" this life?
I have noticed that I am slowly withdrawing more and more from "the real world". Its not something I realised I was doing until recently. I have lots of friends who keep texting me about visiting, they phone too, I just dont get back to them. I feel like I dont want to see anyone or speak to anyone, I dont want to upset them. I feel like it is my responsibility to extricate myself from thier lives, in the mistaken hope that my passing will be made somewhat easier for those I love if I distance myself from them now.
As much as I find myself wanting to speak or see my friends, I just cant do it and it is making for a very lonely life. The one thing I hate is being alone and yet I am forcing myself into the very situation I fear, whats that about?
I'm hoping that now I have realised I'm not doing myself or my friends any favours that I can somehow sort my head out and we can again enjoy each others company!
Thanks for listening guys!
Love and Peace
Indie xx
