Disillusioned with Chat...don't all attack at once!

3 minute read time.

Hi folks,

This has taken me sometime to put together because I know it is a sensitive subject so I hope I have addressed it correctly. 

In February of last year, I stumbled across What Now.  It was at a time when I was feeling very low and alone.  I’ve been living with cancer now since March 2004, so I wish I had come across this site much sooner!  I have since acquired some amazing friends from this site whom I love to bits :0)

I was so nervous when I first went into the chat room, but straight away Rose09 said hi and asked how I was, I told her I was new etc and slowly I revealed my story, I got so much support that evening, I came away feeling so much better knowing I had found this group who knew what I was going through and were happy to listen.

It’s because of the warm welcome, that I have (I hope) always said hello to new people, encouraged them to talk, share their worries.  I remember how nervous I was that first night in chat and I was a “cancer veteran” so to speak, so goodness knows how the newly diagnosed feel when entering chat for the first time, terrified and unsure to say the least.

Now I’m going to throw the cat amongst the pigeons here because I’m sure there are a lot of people who are going to disagree with me.  Let me make this clear, this is MY experience and my opinion of recent events in chat.  I also want to make it clear that this isn’t just since the merge of What Now and Mac, I had issues long before that.

I have felt for some time now disillusioned with chat.  I loved chat, it was somewhere to go and meet people, share good news, share fears, celebrate life and mourn the passing of friends.  However there have been on occasion people who have made what I feel are inappropriate comments.  This site when all is said and done is a Cancer Support Group.  So yes it’s ok to have a laugh etc but it is also ok for people who are having a tough time to talk about their fears or any issues they may be trying to work through, it’s also a place where “newbies” be it newly diagnosed or simply new to the site should be nurtured and encouraged to talk which in turn will make them want to come back, after all surely that is the main aim?  I think it’s unacceptable that some people have been made to feel as if they are spoiling the fun, some of whom have actually even been told so.  We have to remember that it is first impressions that count in chat and if we don’t interact with new visitors then they won’t return and they may be in dire need of the support that we all know we can offer!

I’m not aiming this at anyone in particular, as I have said it is a general observation about the change that seems to have occurred in chat.  I hope it doesn’t last, it will be a shame.  I have thought recently of just not bothering with it, but then I think that is silly and selfish because there will always be days when I need the comfort and support of chat and days where someone may need comfort and support from me, so I’m here to stay and for those of you who have also become disillusioned with chat, I hope you reconsider and come back.  It is after all a fantastic site!

Love and Peace

Indie xx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    OMG Indi you go girl, see not one of us attacked you cos we all love you,As you know Liz and I joined around the same time and you were one of the first to make us feel welcome , since then we have made loads of friends , you all know who you are,  and without you our lives would not be the same. Jujus how lovely of yoiu to say yoiu enjoyed our private chat, anytime you want to pm ,e please do I enjoyed talking to you also, Keefy how lovely to see you here, wondered what happened to you love we miss you.  i go onto chat still but nowhere near as often as I used to  I miss you all, but do feel I can be of some support to others and as long as I feel someone may benefit from talking to me for whatever the reason then I would like to try and support them, why not all try and go back and respect each others feelings and remember why we all joined this site in the first place xxx

    Jo Mac

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Indie, well said hun!!!

    I thought i'd join in too!!!!  I also loved going onto chat, it was my lifeline when I first joined, I couldn't believe that this wonderful room was there waiting for the likes of me to join it.  I had a great welcome from  Sue, Keefy, Rose, Dev, Den Den just to name but a few....and have made special friendships with alot of you too.  I haven't been in for a while because I too feel it has changed.  I still read the daily blogs tho.  I may venture in again one day :) xx

    love n hugs to ya all

    Lorraine xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Everyone

    I'm inclined to agree with positivelady. I have been in a couple of times, a couple of people said hello to me but most didn't and I found it very clicky, I felt as though I were intruding. On one occassion I did not know what the conversation was about, I said 'hi everyone what are you talking about?' and no one responded. I felt very uncomfortable and left, I have never and will never try again, it was when I first came on this site and I frelt it was unfriendly and contemplated signing off and not coming back, fortunately I tried the forums and thank god I did, as I discovered there are some fantastic people here. I wouldn't recommend the chat room to anyone based on my experience. Shame really.

    Lisa x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    there needs to be two rooms going on the chat link ....one for the light hearted stuff, and one for the more cancer related things......what happens with one room is some people are there to relax and chat about fun things, others are there for a more serious chat about cancer things...often it seems like a serious question gets a silly reply as they answer doesnt allways follow the question....yes i think two rooms would do the trick....cancer related chat......and non cancer related chat....just an idea of course...besides i hardly ever go in the chat part of this site...

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi

    Just felt I would comment as I also tried this site for the first time recently.  I was welcomed by a few people saying 'Hi' but the conversations taking place between people who knew each other were nothing to do with cancer.  When you are newly diagnosed (as I am) and really struggling it would be nice to feel able to talk about it.  I appreciate further down the line you might now always want to be reminded of it so maybe two different rooms are needed.  One for people really struggling and one for when people feel in a better place so you can choose.  I felt I would depress everybody if I started talking too much about how I really felt.  Also takes getting used to how quickly eveything happens.  Definitely takes getting used to.  However I will try again when I feel up to it.