This blog is possibly a form of therapy for me. I’m not too hot on opening-up, so the anonymity of the www allows me to vent my emotions in a way that I haven’t been able to or won’t mention to anyone else. It’s been a rough 18 months, so here goes …
Just before Christmas in 2006 I had a phone call to say my mother was severely ill. Two days later and we were making plans for her funeral. Within days of her death my wife collapsed at home with a heart-attack. Her previous complaints of neck and shoulder pains suddenly began to make some sense. Fast-forward to 2008 and she was finally diagnosed as having a permanent heart condition. After a bitter fight and desperate appeals to consultants she has been given a basic pension at 47. She continues to suffer from considerable difficulty.
My own diagnosis of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in the midst of the above (September 2007) was therefore a spectacularly bad stroke of luck. OK, parents do die and partners can become ill – although not normally all at the same time. I’m not writing this to pull at the heart-strings of readers, but more to explain the backdrop to our own circumstances. My wife’s heart condition can be contained, we hope! My own cancer might yet decide to take on a further new life of its own.
My own condition started with abdominal pain which my GP quickly decided was an ulcer – all diagnosed without examination or eye contact. Three months later and in frustration I managed to hitch a ride to A&E in an ambulance when the pain went beserk. I felt better the next day, but they weren’t keen to let me out – now I know why!
I’ve read the various Blogs and experiences of others on here. It’s a funny thing, cancer. It scares the hell out of people around you. The whole experience is full of bitter disappointments and gentle surprises. I’m shocked by the abrupt evaporation of some of my so-called friends, but I’m delighted by others who recognise that I don’t need tea & sympathy (not too much, anyway) just someone to listen and take the mick out of me & my condition in equal measure.. I’ve got family who’ve been great and others who have yet to visit at all. Cancer is a great leveller. Enough from me …
