Nearly 8 months on now, where does the time go?

Hi Vicki I feel I have to answer your post as I have had 1st hand experience of this.

I absolutely adored my late husband and when I lost him my world as I knew it ended.

I didn't believe that I would ever recover and in some ways I haven't.

My husband will always remain my soulmate and no-one could ever take his place.

9 months after I lost him I was anticipating my 1 st Xmas alone. All our family lived down south and I am north.

I had had a brief relationship with a childhood friend but it hadn't worked out. I joined a dating site I really only wanted company.

After a couple of meets which came to nothing I met a local man much older than myself I was 52 and he was a very young and fit 69.

My husband had been 13 years older than me.

Anyway to cut a long story short we clicked straight away and I found that he had many of the qualities I missed about my husband. he even has the same name.

I did fight it at first because of the age difference but these things have a way of happening whether we want them to or not.

4 years later we are still together. We don't live together  but we have holidays and trips out etc.

He has been a godsend through my illness. I could not have done without his support.

I swear and say that my darling husband found him and sent him to me. Just like my husband he adores me.

I will always love my husband and my partner knows that.

My heart is big enough to love 2 people and I do albeit in different ways.

Have you not considered that as this new man in your mums life is you dads friend that your dad has instigated this knowing that your mum will be safe with his friend.

I truly believe that our loved ones stay with us and watch over us to keep us safe.

It is a tribute to your dad that your mum had such a wonderful marriage that she is not afraid to start again.

There is never a right or wrong time for this. These things happen beyond our control.

If you had told me that within 9 months I would be with someone else I would have laughed in your face.

It is only natural to feel as you do but well done for not telling your mum.

I hope things work out well for your mum and that you come to accept whatever decision your mum makes.

Remember that her life has changed far more dramically than yours and it will never be the same again.

Good Luck To You All Love Julie xxxx

My heart goes out to you Vicki. Next month will the first anniversary of my dad's passing and I can't believe it! I feel as if the past 11 months I have been living in a dream.

My mum seems to have moved on since dad died and is out socialising 7 nights a week. I have to admit I feel resentful because I miss my dad so much and can't believe she isn't feeling the same way.

It really is a tricky one, we don't want our parents to be lonely, because, at the end of the day, they are human beings with their own lives, not just our parents, but it's hard to separate the two.

I hope it all works out for both of you.

Best wishes, Christine xx

Good morning Vicki, thanks for blogging.  You are still grieving for your dad and its still raw, especially as you are dealing with cancer with your patients.  Its so nice to know that there are nursing staff who actually care.  Sometimes, I felt they were so detached from us patients we were almost invisible as human beings.  God bless you for sharing your feelings.  You do know though that you have to care for yourself emotionally otherwise you'll just crumble after the year you've had.  Regarding your mum; my dad died when I was 9 leaving my mum to bring up 6 kids under 10 alone.  She did sit down with us once and ask what we felt about another man who she met in the house - about 18 months later!  Anyway, we all said we only had one dad and no-one is allowed to take his place.  She's now 73, very frail and very alone after not meeting another person because we didn't want her to.  We have, of course, all moved on with our own families and troubles/joys.  Our parents don't have time to grieve like siblings and they have been down a much longer road than  us and learned many more things along the way.  Its good you keep  your feelings to yourself for a while and give your mum space to learn to live her life again, not like my mum who spent the rest of her life with no-one to cuddle and share.  In time, you will come round and your feelings will settle.  Your dad will be so proud of you and your maturity.  God bless your mum, let her have comfort in her life.  Ann x

Hi Vicki - speaking as a daughter who lost her dad when he was just 52, I know how hard I found it when my Mum remarried ten years later (and he was also an old friend of the family, who had been recently widowed himself). However, my step-dad said he knew he couldn't replace our dad, he didn't want to, but he wanted to make Mum happy. And he did. He thought the world of her, and the only thing that worried him as he struggled with his cancer was how she would be after he'd gone. They had a lovely life together and we all miss him dreadfully. Mum has told me and my sister that she didn't love Dad less, she loved my step dad in a different way. So my advice would be to try and accept what makes your Mum happy (even though you find it really hard). When you see her happy, with a life and comapnionship again, you will be glad, although it will take time. All the very best to you and your family at this difficult time. Val X