How do i say those words????????????

Thankyou guys so much for your advice. I went to see dad at the hospital tonight....he was saying how his doctor came to see him today and wants him to finish this round of BEP and that he has booked a scan for 3 weeks time and then we can discuss the results. Dad has agreed to this and is now in hospital on day 1 this round. If the scan shows no significant improvement the doc said he wants to give him a course of radio to try and get him painfree for a while to that dad said 'we'll    cross that bridge when we get to it'

So when i saw dad i was so happy he had decided to finish this last stint but i said to him that if he decides not to go for the radio that i will support him in his decision because it is his decision, i told him how brave he has been and that nobody  will ever think any less of him for not continuing and that we all loved him and that we just wanted him to be happy and that we wanted to spend some happy times with him'

Did i say the right things?????

Yes pinkvicki, I believe you did say the right things. Your dad needs to know that his family will support him in what he decides to do.  He will not want to add to your misery, but if he decides not to have further treatment I think you should continue to tell him you will support him.

My own dad wasn't given the chance to start chemotherapy. He was due to see the oncologist to start treatment, but was rushed into hospital with a perforated bowel. His consultant told us his kidneys were failing and if his heart failed they would not resuscitate him. As difficult as that was to hear, I was glad that the decision was taken out of our hands as a family.  

Cancer is a cruel disease and I agree with Liz when she says that when the end comes the quicker the better.  My dad died a lot sooner than any of us expected, but he was deteriorating and I know he could have got a lot worse and I would not have wanted that for him. Yes, we are selfish in a way when it comes to these things. We want our loved one to be with us for as long as possible, but at the same time we hope they will have some dignity and not suffer too much.

My heart really goes out to you right now.  It is heartbreaking watching your dad suffer and feel completeley helpless about it, but all I would say is be there for him as much as possible.  He will appreciate it.

My thoughts are with you. Take care. Christine xx

yes you did say the right thing, he will feel so much better knowing you are letting him do it his way, unfortunately a lot of people who dont have to go through this thing called cancer, dont understand.... i believe in fighting it tooth and nail, until the time when you and yor docs know the end is near, i will only stop fighting it when i am bedridden, until then i will enjoy every single moment of just being alive, im sure your dad is a wonderfull dad, and person, try and remember he is still the wonderfull person you know and love, its hard to see through the cancer, you seem like a daughter he would be proud of, my thoughts are with you and your family

liz xxxxx

yes, you have done the right thing, on friday my dad was told that his tumours had spread and that there is not a lot left, on further discussion I was told 6 months at best.  He will finish his treatment in 2 weeks and that will be it. I cannot begin to contemplate what we are about to go through however, it is my dad's wish that if the treatment is not working then there is no point in carrying on and however hard this is I will respect it.

Make the most of every minute you have and do not be afraid to tell his its ok.

We all know life is a circle, and we all have to go sometime...  the question is when and how?  A sudden death from a heart attack leaves big shock waves. At least if you have a choice you can prepare everybody for it in your own time, as your dad appears to want to do. Stand by him as you have and let him decide for himself.  He is the one going though it, and the only one who knows how he feels. I hope my family will be so generous as you when my time comes, as it will as I too am terminal.

Just enjoy whatever time you have left with him, and make sure he knows how you all feel.