Yesterday, dad and i took my 3 children to the zoo. Dad was determined he wanted to go as my mum was doing a charity abseil down the castle at the zoo so we went early to see the animals. I was so worried about dad but my god he walked mine and the children's legs off. It was a wonderful day with lots of smiles and laughter and memories i will treasure forever.Today we went to mum and dad's for a mothers day lunch and dad looked very tired and very grey in the face. I was helping mum with lunch (whilst dad was occupying the kids) and she said how poorly dad was feeling and that he had admitted to her that he was getting sharp pains in his chest and his back, Mom also told me that the tumour in dads arm is now bigger than ever. His words were 'the chemo isn't working so is it really isn't worth me feeling like c**p all the time'.Tomorrow we are off to the hospital for his blood test as he is supposed to be having a treatment on tuesday and then tomorrow afternoon we have an appointment with his oncologist to discuss future treatment.It just seems like we were just starting to get back to things we often did and then today it feels again like the end is nearing again and i had just stopped myself thinking that way. What do i do tomorrow? what can i say? i know the decision has to be my dads but i can't stop myself think 'NO please put up with it so that i have you here with me for longer'I have tried so hard to stay positive i have been fundraising for the ward that my dad is treated on and macmillian and i have fire in my belly for this years 'race for life' i have never done that one before!!I need to feel useful like i make a difference even though i know i barely do!Sorry guys rant over now!!!
FormerMember
Very hard for you wondering whats the best for your dad, but if he feels his treatment is not worth the side affects if its not working ,well what would be more important your dads quality or quantity of
life, and whos not to say he could be offerd another less avasive treatment.
Dont beat yourself up, wait till you see your dads doctor and get the facts, then you will know what road to take. I hope the news is good, will keep everything crossed for your dad.
I was only thinking yesterday that you hadn't blogged for a while.
So pleased you had such a lovely day with your dad yesterday.
I know what you mean about wanting your dad to have all treatments offered to him but having to take his views into account as I was in a similar situation with my dad but thankfully he agreed to go ahead in the end. As Lucylee has said, maybe if they are able to offer your dad something slightly different to waht he's having now he might be pursuaded to give it a go - I'll keep everything crossed for you.
I have totally forgotten what normal life feels like and sometimes I am able to accept that this is now the new normal for us and other times it terrifies the life out of me not knowing what is ahead.
Hope the appointment went well today and you left with a bit of positivity about the near future.
Another one who like me finds themselves drawn to "race for life"! Like you I have never done it before but somehow just felt that I had to do it! Don't do running due to a large amount of metal work holding my back together but decided that if dad can go through the last year like he has then I can suffer 5K!!!!!!!!!!! How's the training going? Keep me posted.
Hey chick, Haven't really done much training but i have 3 kids and 3 dogs so i reckon 5k should be ok i am only walking too as my eldest daughter is doing it with me and she is only 9. how are things with you?
