My fiance died on wednesday, which is four days ago. It feels completely unreal right now, and I feel like I have to share. Some of you may find what I write uncomfortable or hard, but I hope you all understand.
We were due to get married in April, but Phil went downhill very quickly. He was admitted to a hospice on Monday, and we pulled the wedding forward to Friday. Wednesday he took a big turn for the worse, and the hospice quickly organised a special license to get married Wednesday. Unfortunately, even thought the registrars were there in two hours, ready to go, Phil wasn't able to speak the vows and we were never married.
We knew his illness was terminal, and that he was porrly after a ruptured bowel in November, but he felt he could and desperately wanted to hang on. Already some people have commented on why we wanted to get married, and why we still tried to do this as he was dying. This was Phil's last wish, and my biggest worry is that he worried in his last moments. He panicked that he would let me down, but all he did was show me bravery and courage and dignity for the last 12 months. I want to say to anyone that may be in this situation, do exactly what feels right for you, but do'nt hang on, cos some things can never be changed. I hope that Phil can read this, and hear me telling him every day he didn't let me down, only made me proud.
