prognosis 6 to 10 weeks....14 weeks ago.
We have our own business, lots of hard work, a partnership business of over 20 years, its been a long and somewhat pointless struggle.....
Liz still comes to work, to manage her position as practice manager she is the up-front face with a smile.....its still there, but oh so much pain behind it.
She would rather be at work than at home, although her steroidel moon face and nipped brow say different.
My constant eye trained on her every move, I know that she suffers breathing all the time......( I want a word with this Chain Stokes fella)
I must get her home as soon as possible,
She is now very concerned at the way she looks, her original weight of 10.5 stone is long gone,
8.5 stone fully clothed, her tears drip down her face each morning after the ritual step on the scales, I try to make light of the skin and bone by assuring her she isn't a size zero yet.....(but...is she?)
I help her dress, hopefully she doesn' realise I'm fussing, cassually passing just as she is trying to put a sock on.....what a coincidence...
I am more tied than she , I finish each evening by preparing her tablet pot.
30 minutes TV before our friend Chain Stokes starts again,, my experience tells me to give her the Lorazapan.......then her eyes begin to roll.....the night has started.
My long night has started, as I hold her hand for the next 6-7 hours, listening to the sound of life.....!!!!! Watching the now futile uncontrolable twitching. wishing that was the only problem.
counting the long seconds of silence when the breathing stops......waiting for it to start again,......I pray about 20 times per night.....is this so silly, I love the daylight,.........
Liz sits up......my thanks to God for another day, although it may be heartwrenching...........give me more,,,loads more.
I smile and tell her not to be so upset, its absolutely nothing, as she again sheds a tear, sorrowfully looking back at the wet bedsheets where she lay, its nothing I keep saying to her, its only a bit of washing,,,,,don't worry.......
It dosen't take us long,,,,,,washed, dressed, tablets, breakfast,,,,,,,and another smile..........
I love her so much.....
Oh God why ?
