Treatment Over!

Well the last treatment session is done and dusted! Who would have thought it? How do I feel? Well, I just don’t know is the honest truth. It feels like a bit of an anti-climax just right now weirdly! My first reaction after walking to the car park on leaving the hospital this morning after the last session and delivery a large box of chocolates to the radio team in LA6, was to burst into tears! Much to hubby’s surprise! Now where did that come from?! I think it was relief more than anything that this part of my journey is now over and the realisation that we are back to the angst and waiting once again for the follow up appointments and in 3 months an examination under anaesthetic to confirm if I am in remission or not. Everything seemed like an age away when I was first given my treatment plan with all the dates and times of various appointments, daily radio, chemo week 1 and 5 and even the weekly Consultant clinic appointments all listed one after the other! Each day the radiotherapy receptionist has duly scored off that day's appointments with highlighter pens in various colours and it has been quite satisfying to see the multicoloured rainbow edging it's way down the page till this Friday's final treatment appointment. As far as the radiotherapy has gone it has been a bit like being stuck in that film 'Ground Hog Day'! Each day waiting to set off for the 40 minute drive to Maidstone, go in sit in the waiting room, chat to the chatters (not everyone is!), get called through, have the treatment and then turn round and go home again! This daily treck to Maidstone has been a bit of a bind but the teams there are excellent and I don't think I could have been in better hands. I am extremely sore from the radiotherapy burns in places that you wouldn't want to know about! All I can say is, I hobble around rather like John Wayne without his horse and just don't mention going to the loo! But, it is a means to an end and has to be endured! I am extremely exhausted most of the time from doing nothing and even wake up exhausted in the mornings! I have to see the Consultant on July 1 st for my first check up and then 6 weeks later have to have the EUA. Fingers crossed and loads of prayers gratefully appreciated! Then it will be 6 monthly check ups, eventually moving to yearly check ups over the next 5 years. Don't think I will ever be the same again though as I will always be wondering if it has come back I expect! Any ache or pain I have had over the past months send my mind off to thinking 'Uh oh- does this mean it has spread somewhere else?' Looks like a bit of a life sentence in that regards! I am sure many of you will know what I mean. I think the only way I will be able to deal with that is to try and put it out of my mind day to day and keep myself active and busy! Easier said than done at the moment, as I am in a fair bit of pain and much discomfort as a result of the intense radiotherapy. As I heal though I should be able to get out and about a bit more and start to take a bit of exercise to get my fitness levels up a bit! Going to the loo is like passing broken glass and is not an easy process. I thought it was painful before the treatment but boy oh boy it was nothing quite like this! Drew, I keep thinking about you and your blogs when you were going through similar! The Macmillan radiographer has been wonderful and given me some soothing gel pads to apply regularly. These certainly help for short spells but are better than nothing! I have even had to resort to the stronger pain killers, the ones that I had to stop taking a few weeks ago because they made me feel so awful! Nauseous and dizzy. Nights are bad too and although I get off to sleep no problem I wake regularly throughout the night to go to the loo or to lie awake with my PITA throbbing and itching! In fact I have felt so exhausted that I couldn’t even bring myself to update my blog till now as this, combined with my last cycle of chemo, 96 hours continuous feed at home made me feel completely exhausted most of the time. I also had another infection in my PICC line the week before the last chemo session. This happened on a Sunday( always seems to happen to me at weekends!) Puss and nasty stuff oozing out into the transparent dressing looking disgusting and me feeling not 100%. My son in law, who is a doctor, was here for the weekend with my daughter and granddaughter, he took one look at it and insisted I rang the emergency phone line and was immediately told I had to go in to the ward for obs, swabs and antibiotics! All this at 5pm on a Sunday evening just as we were all about to sit down and devour a deliciously smelling roast chicken together! So we left the rest of the family tucking in and high-tailed it off to Maidstone. 3 hours later we were home again dosed up with even more antibiotics, appetite gone and just tumbled into bed! Fortunately the antibiotics did the trick and the chemo could go ahead on the Tuesday. I was never so glad to have that PICC line out which happened on the Monday after seeing the Consultant again. He caught me out this time as we arrived on time as usual, I had my radiotherapy session just before , and we then settled down with a large cup of coffee and the newspaper crossword to wait the usual hour or hour and a half to see him. The next thing was my name was called and so we had to struggle up the corridor to the Consulting room carrying the overflowing coffee mug with us! Typical! He was really pleased with my progress – glad someone is! But he did warn me that the effects of the radiotherapy would get worse in the next 10-14 days as it reaches it’s maximum and then will slowly start to heal again. Boy was he right! There is still another week to go now that is has all finished until it reaches its zenith but thank goodness I will not have to face that uncomfortable daily drive up to the hospital for treatment. He told me to have my bloods done on Thursday, yesterday, which I did and to ring up today to find out if the counts were OK and if so I could stop taking the antibiotics and even start to go out and about again!! Have been going stir crazy till now! This news cheered me up no end and would you believe I have even been looking forward to a trip round the local supermarket again!! Mostly because though, our neighbours are having a family and neighbour get together on Sunday and I was so looking forward to having a bit of a social. Well guess what? The Gods for once are on my side and his secretary has just this second phoned to confirm that they are OK and I can stop taking the antibiotics and can get my glad rags on for Sunday! Now that has cheered me up! Have also got to go down to GP's 3 times a week for next 2 weeks, to have my blood pressure taken, as it has been consistently high every time they take it at the hospital. Never had a problem before but looks as if I may have to have medication for this now! What a bugger getting older is! Actually the first time I went this week it was just above normal and not the sky high readings it has been so am hoping it is just stress related!!! I have decided not rush back to work but to take my time till I feel ready and at the moment am planning to go back around August time then I retire at Christmas.... YES ! I haven't missed my work that much at all! Have missed some of the camaraderie and my clinical work, the babies and their families but certainly not today’s NHS bureaucracy which gets in the way increasingly of clinical time. Anyway enough of that! Will probably be back at some time to report progress. Thanks to all who have supported me through my journey so far and have given me their valuable advice. I really have appreciated it. Thanks all, from the bottom of my heart. Take care