Had a wonderful weekend when the family all came home for Mother's Day and it was also my son's birthday. Lot's of eating , drinking, laughter and support. I love them all so much. Am being a full time granny for a few days as my daughter and her hubby left my granddaughter here with us for a few days whilst they enjoy a couple of nights away together.
She is such a joy and been a great tonic. Am a bit exhausted from walking too and from the park and playing non-stop all day! But it is one of those pleasant sort of exhaustions, if you know what I mean!
Had a phone call on Friday telling me I have an appointment next Monday for assessment for my PICC line as I will be able to have my chemo at home.) Another small step on my journey that feels like a giant leap forward to me !
I am still anxiously awaiting the call to tell me when I am going in for my planning CT scans for the radiotherapy. The consultant told me it would be for today or next Monday. Well it obviously not for today but still do not know if it is to be next Monday! I really hate this waiting for the phone calls. Every time it does ring my stomach falls away, rather strange as it is just an appointment I am waiting for after all! I would much rather they didn't say in the first place you will be seen by a certain date or day when they actually don't really know if you actually will or not.
Two work colleagues came round this afternoon for tea and a chat and bought me a lovely present of smellies etc from the team. It was good to see them and be able to catch up with all the gossip! Felt a bit strange though to be a bit detached from what is going on. In fact I am surprised as how emotional I became as they arrived and as they left. I have worked full time in the NHS for the past 30 odd years and being at home day in day out at the moment is taking some coming to terms with. I actually retire at the end of this year, and have been counting the day down to this milestone for the past 2 years and so looking forward to it, but this enforced retirement is not what I envisaged and am finding it difficult to deal with unfortunately. I suppose because it was completely out of my control.
Well folks, the old eyelids are drooping as I type this ..................and so to bed as they say!
Let's hope I hear tomorrow when the next appointment is. I am not a good patient and hate this waiting.
Peta
FormerMember
Hi Peta,
I have recently been diagnosed with cancer having had a hysterectomy 6 weeks ago and are awating chemo. I too jump when ever the telephone rings. I worked in the nhs for 20 odd years and find it very hard not being at work but at 64 I think I am unlikely to go back now. I do miss everyone and didnt think my retirement would be spent attending hospitals. I am not a good patient I used to love looking after patients and never wanted to be one. I too spend Sunday with my lovely family and little grandaughter, my daughter is expecting another baby in 6 weeks time and just when she needs me I will be out of action and I find this very hard to take as I love helping her. Its all very depressing.
I do hope you will hear something soon too. I am sure you will feel better about things once treatment gets under way.
I try to keep as busy as I can whilst I am playing this waiting game and one of my best tips so far is to accept every invitation you are given to join people for coffee or go out for lunch. Invite poeople round to see you for a cuppa too. I think sometimes even the best of friends are frightened off initially by the word cancer, and often ned that push to make contact. I think it is probably because, quite naturally it makes them realise that the big C finger could one day point at them too when it happens to someone they are close to. I suppose most of us would have always have had the feeling that cancer is something that happens to other people not you.
How lovely to be having a new baby in the family especially a second grandchild. Focus on looking forward to the baby's arrival and I am sure you will be able to help out in one way or another even if it is not to the extent that you were hoping for.
Thank you for your lovely comments, I have got a lot of friends but like you say they are a bit afraid of saying the wrong thing,I am looking forward to the baby but itsthe thought that I wont be here to see the two little ones grow up and as I have waited so many years for them I am feeling a bit cheated. I know that this life and in my job at the hospital I have been dealing with the cancer breast ladies for many years but when it is yourself it seems so different. I also miss the routine of going to work every day, although I was thinking of retiring soon.
It is nice to read comments from other people as it makes you feel that its not just you feeling this way.
