Ok, here Goes!

I have been in and out of this site for the past 3 weeks after being given the shock diagnosis 4 weeks ago of anal cancer over the phone. I have steered clear of writing a blog till now, not sure why but just did. Having read a few of your blogs many of which have made me smile, laugh and feel so much better about myself and my situation, I thought now is the time to tell you all how much more supported I feel and not so alone being part of this community. So thanks guys! I at last got my first appointment with the oncologist 2 days ago a month down the line. What an anxious stressful wait that was! I am told that the system has not worked well for me as there has been a big mix up with the referrals but at last things seem to be moving on. Although even this referral was made to the wrong place and I now have to wait another week to see the specialist oncologist to plan my treatment! The first appoitnment left me and my huuby with very mixed emotions! Arrived at the Cancer Centre in some trepidation . The last time I as there was about 14 years ago when my father was diagnosed and treated for terminal cancer. Not happy memories! I checked in with the reception and told to wait in the waiting area. Fair enough, but there were no spare seats on what was obviously a busy clinic day with at least 5 consultant's clinics operating. Hubby and I stood like lemons for about 20 minutes taking sideways glances at each other, he with an amusing glint in his eye keeping me from bawling my eyes out! We eventually grabbed two empty seats as gradually people were called in to see their various specialists! It was not a very conducive place to sit nervously waiting to hear your fate I must say! There were people from all walks of life, not surprisingly I suppose. Others obviously from the wards being brought in, some in hospital wheelchairs sitting on those awful incontinence pads wrapped in thin cellular blankets which dragged along the floor looking as if they were in alot of pain, to others wheeled in on trolleys in their pyjamas and parked ( or probably a better word would besomewhat abandoned) in all their glory flat on their backs to join the queue! What ever happened to dignity? Perhaps it was just a bad busy day. We sat waiting for an hour! Listening to others having polite conversation this is not anything unusual! No magazines or other distracters , not that we could find anyway and me feeling as if I was about to throw up as the clock ticked further on past the appoitnment time! At last we were called forward........ To cut to the chase, as they say,the news is better than I expected. I discover I am in stage 2, T3, N0,M0. I am learning fast, who would have thought I would be rapidly become graduate level in cancer staging? This is an enormous relief and just wish I could have been told that 2 weeks ago when they had the scan results! It is quite big though but should respond to chemo and radio combination. Radio will be at least 3- 4 weeks down the line as it takes this long to plan apparently. I was told that I had been referred to the wrong consultant yet again! He said he would try to get me an early appointment at the specialist cancer centre so that I didn't have to wait a further 2 weeks to be seen there. I have since been rung to say I am now to be seen next week. So.... another week's wait! The oncologist I saw was not best pleased with my journey through the system so far and is looking into it! Not what you know, you see, but who................ as we all know! I must say I always knew this wouldn't be an easy journey but it has been made so much more difficult because of poor administration. Thanks goodness for a very undertanding and angry GP who having heard nothing herslf has been chasing around behind the scenes trying to move things forward.I Am sending off for a ring cushion this evening as the prof tells me I will probably be badly burned on the perineum as a result of the radio intensity.Doesn't sound like too much fun but will be worth it in the end I suppose. 'Scuse the pun! The prof says I shouldn't loose my hair either which is somewhat of a consolation! It's bad enough having and dealing with the big C without having to appear an obvious victim! 80 % survival rate is good enough for me and makes me more positive than I have been for a long while. Even cracked open a bottle of wine and weaved my way to bed that night! Family and friends have been so supportive and serrounding me with love and best wishes but at times it seems hard to tell them exactly how I am feeling as I am trying to keep as strong and as positive as I can for them as it seems to be what they all need right now. I am hoping that on this site I can be more honest as I am serrounded by peole who know exactly where I am , where I am going and how I am going to get there much more that I do myself at this moment in time! Hubby is treating us both to a weekend break away this coming weekend at a posho hotel nearby where there is a golf course for him and a spa for me! A lovely treat and something to look forward to over the next couple of days. Will post this now with a big sigh of relief! Now that wasn't too difficult at all, was it?!