My partner of 22yrs passed away on May 5th 2022.
We were a hard working family with a son who we adored.Life was good and we loved our holidays and days out always in Britain and Scotland and mostly in her parents caravan based at Berwick and after a few year relocated to Amble.
We owned our first brand new car 2015 plate Peugeot 2008 model.So this opened up the motorway for us to travel on excursions near and far from carav525an and we loved every minute of it.
My partner was 42yrs old and i was 10 years her senior and we loved each other so very much that's why we exceeded 20yrs +.
Cheryl was diagnosed with diabetes (type one and insulin dependent)at the ripe old age of 12.
Due to this problem ,Cheryl had to give up her ballet and a stage show dancer in which she performed on a number of pantomime shows at Tyneside theatre in Newcastle City centre.
I first met Cheryl around 1998/99 as her cousin was in a relationship with a work colleague of mine and drinking buddy. Cheryl and I got very close but only as friends until we realised we were meant to be together some what 2yrs later.
After the wild party days we settled down in our own home and went just about everywhere together from that day on.
Growing up I had some really troubled times and attracted the wrong people to bond and make trouble with .Cheryl guided me through thick and thin and I had to respect what she did for me.
She was my rock.
Cheryl was a independent young lady who lived as much time in her own flat managing all her costs never falling behind in bills and really making a go of it.This prepared her for her next chapter in life with me as a couple.
We had a number of years under our belt with not much of a problem ,but we began to realise life was not so easy as we thought and our relationship was tested, first after a miscarriage and 1 year later we were blessed with our beautiful son Louie in 2005.
Cheryl was never an easy patient and after witnessing a birth that everything which could go wrong,went wrong .We knew if Cheryl ever got pregnant again she could not only risk the life of her new born but her life also.
A unplanned pregnancy happened in 2007,what made this worse was Cheryl went to hospital for her 3 month scan and everything was going OK that day until 9pm that is when she began to get horrendous pain so much so she was rushed in to hospital and miscarried that night.That hit us hard,very hard.
We were supposed to move that week into a brand new build but had to put the move off for a week until we were in some better place in our selves.
Moving into our new home was the best bit of luck and the result we really needed to get us back on track
We both worked and put in the hours so we could have the nice holidays and spoil our son at birthdays and Christmas.
Cheryl was the best at organising our trips away finding something new and exciting every time.
Memories were plentiful and unforgettable.
Since leaving school I was mostly in the fish trade and I had a extensive knowledge in everything involved with fish and the skill to prepare any fish ready for the customer .
I worked in North shields quayside firstly to train up for life on a trawler then to work in a fish mongers and serve the public .
I've also worked in Surrey to fillet and prepare fish for chefs with Michelin star restaurants, hotels ,schools and offices.We also had a contract with Airlines.
I moved back up north and got employment in hartlepool with trusted authority in most of the departments in fish processing factory.
At the same time Cheryl seeked employment as a chamber maid in a large hotel.
I remember the day very well,when I was called into office and answered a call from Cheryls manageress calling from hotel.
I was informed that Cheryl had been sent home and I was told she needed to go straight to hospital after loosing around 2 pints of blood.
I was allowed to go home and take Cheryl to A and E in which she was given blood to replace the blood she lost.
It was then Cheryl got a follow on appointment to attend some tests to rule out certain problems that possed real concern.
That appointment changed our lives for ever.
We didn't understand the depths of what cancer meant.just the word cancer was enough to make our world fall apart .We thought the worse straight away and cried all the way back to the car.
We never said a word all the way back home and very little was said that night .
The thing was we had to carry on our day to day responsibilities and go back to work.
What happened to me I can't explain.
I must have given up ,my concentration was nil.
I cried behind doors I locked myself in toilets I sat staring at nothing.
My work involved unsociable hours but I never slept day after day,I was a danger to myself and other road users.
As appointments got more frequent and tests were carried out,we began to realise the severity of the cancer.
It was stage 4,no possibility of operating and to cap it off finish her from employment as now she was gifted a permanent cathata and 2 kidney stents.
I had now messed my head up that much I crashed 2 work vans and my car in one week.
I had to leave work and help my loved one to battle on.
6 sessions of chemo and same radio therapy destroyed cheryls ability to walk unaided.
Cheryl began to lay in bed more than anything.
Our walks to the coast were now very few .we used to go atleast 3 times a month if not more .As for the pasr few years there would be regular sights of bottle nose dolphins 10 ,20 at a time.
My cooking skills were improving ,I was the house husband now.Cheryl was spending more time in hospital but she hated every second,she wanted to be home.
We were now at the point where alot of physical changes were very noticeable.
I've never seen a person have so many disabilities linked to her condition.
I could see the embarrassment on her face as she got out of bed to change her pads and have no control of anything that was body waste hitting the bed and floor .I could only explain it like a slug or snail trail.
I really felt for her .I was cleaning bed ,floor,nighties and toilet area 3/4 times a day.
Cheryl really used to look after her appearance and she used to be super clean.
Now her legs had like a tan ,the cathata was keep blocking as faeces was going in aswell as urine .
Her cathata bag was occasionally turning like alluminus blue in colour ,why we did not know.
But I must say Cheryl would give 100% to get her dressing gown on and brave the staircase to welcome Tony her palliative nurse for weekly talk.It took over half hour to help Cheryl make the stairs down but longer going back up.
I had some really scary moments when Cheryl had a toilet visit and collapsed on me for over 2mins.
First time I thought she had died on me.second ,third ,forth was still no easier.
I said you need to tell Tony on next visit.
I remember I was preparing the dinner when Tony asked if I could join them in sitting room.
I was thinking Cheryl had told her she was collapsing. So I was expecting a reason for it .
That would have been the best result ,BUT NO.
It had to be the worst bit of news so far.
Tony told us,the lady scan showed the cancer had spread every where and the best outcome was to make as much of her days left pain free .
I uncontrollably started punching the sitting room door .I was in hysterics, i could not deal with it ,I had to walk out with dog.
I was soon going to loose my partner and I could do nothing about it.
It was going to happen and I had to accept it.
Cheryl passed away a week later.
It has broken me.
I miss her every single day.
I think why her, why me .
I would never ever want to see another lady another husband or partner go through what I witnessed.
I plead to every woman out there to take up your invite for your smear .please I beg you .
This is my story I live it every day.
