J is halfway through his chemo now (we hope) and starts his 4th of 6 cycles on Wednesday. But before that we are going to see the consultant to find out how he got on in his CT scan.
I keep telling people it should be fine - his lump on his neck has gone, his skin rash has gone and his back pain has gone, they all have to be a good signs. But I'm still scared and I know he is too. He hasn't been very well this cycle, and still hasn't hit his good days, so it's hard to believe that he is getting better. I'm also feeling a bit superstitious. I haven't been with him to the hospital since his first cycle and I'm worried that it's my presence that causes the bad news in consultations. I know that's stupid, but it's only ever been bad news when I've been there. Daft the things you worry about I suppose, and i'm going to go whatever, so I need to just put that out of my mind. I have to go to hear it for myself, and I also want to make sure we talk to the consultant about J's medication - or lack of medication this cycle, which I'm worrying might be the cause of his general unwellness.
Poor J. I don't know he'll bring himself to go and get on with chemo if it isn't good news. The first day always makes him feel lousy and he feels lousy enough at the moment :-(
On the plus side his finger is better again, and me and him are on speaking terms again. His sister is also on the mend, so it's not all doom and gloom with us....
Fingers crossed - will update after results - (barring emergencies in the next couple of days - which I'm not ruling out, looking at him at the mo)...
