It's 7pm on a Friday evening. Whilst the rest of the country are out having a drink or relaxing at home, things continue apace in planet cancer. John is right now up at the hospital having a CT scan. He isn't bothered about the weird timing as he would quite like to have some results for the start of his next cycle. He wants to know if it is working. He is convinced that it is working.
I feel very weird and skittish about it. I took a decision early on to take things a day at a time. This has been a brilliant strategy in terms of coping and enjoying life as much as we can, but it does mean that there has been a distinct lack of processing. I simply haven't dealt with it and I've kind of taken a decision not to. People keep saying how brave I'm being, but I'm not, I'm just not thinking about it. And now scans = results, and results = waiting in one of those little rooms for someone to pull the rug out from under you. Everyone on here knows the awful gut wrenching feeling.
Ugh....let's do nice things instead....
The nice things about this experience, and there are plenty, strangely enough. Firstly big multi-national employers = full pay. It might have made him sick in the first place, but at least J got signed off at the start, and has been able to have worry free time off. He can pick the kids up from school every day. He can meet me for lunches out. He has started baking bread, nurturing his bedding plants and hanging baskets, and growing herbs and chillies. He has been making chutney and has taken up crown green bowling. It is some retirement! Even on his bad days there has been comfort in sport. We bought a new telly when he got diagnosed and he has absolutely loved the summer of sport - cycling, tennis, commonwealth games, football...he's watching them all, and together on really rough days we've sat and watched old episodes of TV dinners with Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall on 4OD. I'll always think "thanks Hugh" now when I see him, he's got us through some dark days... Haha, bet not many people can say that!
