Our christmas has been magic. The timing of the chemo break was just wonderful. J felt a lot better and did the cooking (result!) and the boys got to have their lovely daddy around on top form to play with them. We had friends and family over, we had winter walks, we went to the panto, we went to a new years party, and we spent the day chilling at center parcs yesterday. It was just a perfect time and I'm glad, whatever happens, that we've had it.
We';re now trying to steel ourselves for the next bit. J goes to see the consultant for the results of his PET scan on Wednesday. Since the scan was so long ago, back on the 23rd December I'd been half expecting the consultant to ring him with the results, but we've heard nothing. Maybe he was off for the whole break too. Maybe (like last time) he doesn't plan to open the email until we are in the office! Who knows? Well definitely someone knows, and we will finally know too on Wednesday...
I'm really nervous about it. I've been researching holidays on the internet again in a bit of a manic way. I don't know why I do it. I was like it first time around too. Waiting for J to get the all clear on his lump so I could book us in. It didn't happen last time, I wonder what will happen this time. I don't know what I'm expecting and J says he doesn't either. He looks really good> his skin is a good colour again and his eyes are bright, but he is still tired, and his hips ache and he twitches still some nights. If I had to put a bet on whether the cancer had gone or not I don't know which way I would go.
We have such a lot of people rooting for him. I dread having to tell people if it is bad news. I dread everything if it's bad news. Him having to go to Newcastle for inpatient treatment, him being ill again, losing a bit of the hope we'd started to pick up. Ugh. We'll deal with it whatever of course. It's really just a matter of him doing as he's told, and us doing our best to fit in around it and help him as best we can. But wouldn't it be wonderful to get good news? Wouldn't it just be the best thing ever to hear the big Remission word?
watch this space....
