Ugh. It's been a bad week in our house.
J is feeling really rough. His consultant decided not to do the blood transfusion last week despite J's levels falling lower, so his energy levels are at rock bottom.
He has also had a lot of stomach trouble. We thought maybe an ulcer from the symptoms but his gp thinks probably just an inflammed stomach lining from all the drugs, so he is on gavsicon and some tablets now and has picked up a bit. Good job really as he was feeling like he was going to die on Sunday :-(
His mood is at rock bottom too. It's hard to get used to as he has been so positive all the way along, and with only one cycle to go I thought he would be feeling great, nearly done and all. But he isn't, and when you think about it, it's obvious really. He feels horrible, he can't remember feeling well, he doesn't know if it will work or if he will end up with intense chemo and a stem cell transplant like his friend. His paid sick leave is running out, he can't imagine going back to work. He just doesn't know what's going to happen, and that isn't a nice feeling...
Me and the boys are struggling too. The little one hit the big one with a torch the other day, on purpose, leaving his brother with a horrible bruised face and black eye. That shook us up. Then I decided I would take them away for a night for half term as a treat as they've been having such a horrible time. But the little one ended up with a sick bug and throwing up all night in a strange hotel room in a strange city where i was on my own with no-one to help. He was burning up and I had no calpol and neither did the hotel or the shop across the street. It was horrible. It all turned out to be fine, of course. The next day I detoured to my parents so that we could keep the bug ridden one away from J. They weren't in. They're away on hols, but my sister had a key and did us some shopping and it was a nice safe base. But lying in a hot bath that afternoon, I cried and cried and didn't think I'd stop..
