hi all, i just wondered i know were all different and we cope different but my dad passed away on thursday morning i loved my dad very much and i am glad i listened to lots of you on here (i started to tell him i loved him about 2 weeks before he died). whats bothering me is that i'm feeling numb i am totally in a daze, i haven't showed any emotion yet, if i think about my dad i feel like a shutter is being pulled down infront of my brain to prevent me from the truth? everybody else is crying and i appear to be totally hard faced, i am becoming upset because i am not upset. i just feel as though i am dreaming.
is this a normal emotion? am i likely to breakdown later or does anybody think i am getting the strength to look after my mum and brother.
hugs and peace love tracy xx.
FormerMember
Hi Tracey,
My Father died aprox 20 years ago, of Bowel Cancer. He was 84.
I never ever told my Father that I loved him but I did love him dearly.
It was not until we laid him to rest beside my mother, (who also I did not tell), that the realisation came to me .
That numbness you describe hit me at that precise moment and it was severe. I too could not cry for a long time, but when I did it came in floods. The numbness passes, the shutter in your mind does open and the tears will come. Possibly when some event triggers some thing in your mind. (It was the birth of my grandson in my case.) It does pass. It may take a long time but it will pass. You also have the advantage of knowing he knew you loved him. What others think is of less importance.
You did the right thing to tell him and I am certain it made things just that bit easier for him.
Dont worry too unduly about what the others my think. Your hurt effects you more severly than their's.
You loved him, you told him and you miss him. The tears will come.
Self blame dose no one any good. So it is better not done.
So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you and your family are going through and I don't think you are hard faced - in shock more like.
I know I would be the same as that's how I handle things, I did when my mum was diagnosed with her gullet cancer. I kept thinking I should be breaking down in tears every 5 mins and thought I wasn't normal cos I didn't.
Sounds like you are being strong for your family and supporting them and people grieve in different way - there is no right or wrong.
Hi Tracy, I hope this helps, we lost Dad nine years ago to a weird and relatively unknown virus, (I am blogging because my mum is ill now), anyway he would have been 90 next week, everyday I think of him its that old sausage keeping him in your heart stuff.. anyway I loved the old git totally, he was a brilliant engineer, loved his kids and grand kids, was the bloke you needed in your lifboat, great in a crisis and all that, devoted to his work, family, and his varied opinions. Everytime some thing happens I think "what would dad have done" now, its the only way,the bad stuff fades into the distance the good stuff comes to the front. At his funeral I spoke for 20 mins in front of everyone about his life, mentioned some stuff people didin't know and some they did, eg his nickname was Sam !! this was dfifficult but helped, it may help if you tried this. The shutters have dropped this isn't your fault nor is it your fault that your dad has passed on, you told him you loved him thats all that matters everyone is different, there are no rules for coping with loss, be yourself. I miss my dad terribly, I cry occasionally I didn't at his funeral others did, Just remember your dad, continue to tell him you love him, always focus on the good things, you will get through this..
