After each cycle I need to inject myself with Filgrastim, which boosts my blood count and helps my immune system fight the chemo. Despite an understandable nervousness from the most non medical person in the world, the first time, I managed it, not even noticing the “slight scratch” as I was so focussed on doing it right.
Yesterday, the 3rd time, a different brand and a slightly more fiddly needle. In trying to remove the needle cap, I somehow managed to completely pull out the syringe plunger. Do not ask how I did this, what I was thinking or how I messed up the instructions regarding grey caps with a blue syringe!
Ok....I can fix this, remove cap, needle exposed, gently stick syringe plunger back in....oh shit....liquid bubbling out. Stick needle into stomach at the speed of lightening and watch with despair as some dribbles on my skin!!!!
The relief of getting most of the liquid into my body is quickly replaced by a sense of anger and frustration at my stupidity and even more quickly that is replaced by immense anxiety about missing this vital medicine and the impact of it not all being there.
A quick call to the ever so super nurse at the cancer helpline reassured me that I probably got most of it in, not to worry, keep an extra eye in my temperature and call them if I feel unwell. Similar comments from the supportive community on the Macmillan chat groups also reassure me that this is easily done and I am not a complete idiot!
Honestly I am still feeling very stupid, concerned and only a little reassured. Time will tell this week....
