This is my first post. I have spent the last 18 months battling cancer and have just reached a REAL low. I have been reading the posts and blogs recently and now feel the need to vent my frustration. I feel as if recently I have reached a dead end. I've been very positive up to now but feel lost at the moment. I've had two major ops and currently taking a biological therapy with minimal side effects. My medication will only manage my tumours.
I battled the surgery and got better, went back to work, then got over the cancer coming back went back to work, cope with the medication, went back to work. But then last week booommm it hit me...I can't face going to work and getting out of bed is a real struggle.
In fact every day is a struggle at the moment, the only happy time is when my children come home from school and nursery.
I feel very worried about what my future holds. My mum whos 66 lives a long way from me, shes in denial about my condition, she doesnt want to know anything about whats happening to me and wants to believe everything will be alright. My dad is not in the best of health and neither is my Gran, and I'm just an added worry for her. I've opened up to my brother and sister in law recently but feel i've just upset them and sent them off on a cycle of depression instead of finding support. Other family members get all details of my condition from my mum so they are all in the dark too. My in laws are also very unsupportive and they rarely ask how I am. the I'm worried that I will have to leave work or lose my job. I'm concerned about what I say to my children, how my husband and children will cope, what my family will be like. I want everything to be in the open but fear that I will just end up upsetting everyone.
I mainly need advice about what I do about my mum and telling the family about my prognosis?
I would like some ideas of what to say to a 7 year old when they ask you if your going to die?
should I continue doing the job i used to love but find so stressful?
I feel so alone and at such a loss...please help!
FormerMember
Hi Nwardle, firstly let me just say that you are definately not alone with how you are feeling...I have been in what seems a very deep dark place all alone! I also have certain family members who are still in denial as to my condition. Your fears mirror mine, but at the end of the day we all have to take it one step at a time...baby steps. When cancer strikes our lives change forever and we have to build a new life for ourselves and our loved ones. The wonderful people here are helping me get through and i realise that life is not over, it's just taking a different direction than i thought.
If you want friends and family to be kept in the loop then i suggest that you or someone you trust be the ones that give regular updates, your Mum is obviously scared and thinks that if she ignores it it will all go away...I can relate to that, i do it myself! As for upsetting everyone, yes they will be upset.... but just keep in mind that they would probably be more upset that it was kept from them and they didn't have the opportunity to give you the support (feeling like you didn't think they cared or that you weren't important to them) we all so desperately deserve.
I am a firm believer in if a child is old enough to ask a question they deserve an honest answer.....so how about telling your seven year old the truth...We all pass on eventually but that you intend to be here for a very long time yet! It's not a lie and it lets you talk to them more freely as and when the need arises.
I to loved my job and it was extremely stressful, all i wanted to do was get back in there...be so called "Normal" and useful once more but you need to make sure that you are ready to go back. It is counter productive to go back too soon. Now is a good time to reflect on what you want to do with your life, what is really important to you and your family (Advise given to me by my new friends here) maybe it is the right thing for you but again maybe a total change is better. I went back to work on a phased return and was really struggling to cope both physically and mentally only to be told two weeks in that i was being made redundant!!!! I was devastated at first but a few weeks down the line think that it was for the best as i need to get well first and get my self stronger mentally.....
I hope this helps in some small way, keep posting and keep fighting
