The hurt is unbearable

Less than one minute read time.

FormerMember

12 Feb 2010

Well the day came upon me and it was the most awful of days. Everything I had read to prepare me for the eventual end of my dear father's life did not prepare me for what I saw.

I was twenty minutes late and sadly was not with him when God called for him. I hate myself for this. I cant begin to understand or even get over the fact that he is now gone and I'll never see him again. This is what hurts the most.

I loved him so dearly and feel very empty inside. I know people tell me that he is now at rest and has not to suffer any more, but I am finding it difficult to come to terms with.

I've never felt grief before, maybe apart from my animals when I have had to put them to sleep, but nothing of this magnitude or connection. I'm struggling with it. I still really cant believe he is gone, that his life is now ended and I cant get him back.

Can anyone help me to understand how to cope with this..... please.

So so sad,

Laura

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Dear Laura,

Your Dad is now at peace,and he will be busy keeping a watch over his loving daughter. he will be watching over you day and night. The main thing is not to think you wont see him again you will always have a picture of your Dad in your minds eye,all you have to do is close your eyes and he will be there for you. May he rest in Peace.

My Deepest sympathy Sarsfield.
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Laura

I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. As you say no matter how much you prepare yourself and "comprehend" that it is to happen it still hits you like a train. Your dad is now resting and calm. I lost my beloved wife Sharon three weeks ago after a years battle with pancreatic cancer. We spent every hour / day together for the past three months as she became more poorly and so there is a huge gap but again I am comforted by the fact that she is in a better place and she is now with all the others including your dad who are now at peace. We are the ones who now suffer
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Dear Laura you have just started your journey in grieving.The pain and anger you are feeling now is natural. Dont beat yourself up for not being there when your Dad passed away, that was the way he wanted it be, to save you from the grief at the time of his passing. Take comfort in knowing that your Dad will always love you as you do him, and savour the wonderful memories that you both shared over the years. One day you will smile again , and you will make the most of every day as your dad would want you to. He will always be in your heart, not even death can change that.

You will always find friends in Macland that will help you get thru the bad days when you feel angry , helpless or in need to talk about your feelings.

Love and Hugs. Lucylee. xxxx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Dear Laura

I am so sorry about your dear Dad..I understand how much you are hurting, my Dad passed away 2 years ago this summer..I still have bad days. There are no words to take away your pain right now..you need time.

I wasn`t with my Dad when he passed either and I was sad about that for a long time..I had been with my mum and sister when they died and i felt i had let him down. I saw him that evening and left him at 11pm, he passed away at midnight on fathers day..I truly believe he didnt want me to see him go and he waited until he was alone...he was still talking to me that night!

Please try not to beat yourself up over not being there..He was probably protecting you.The most important thing is you loved him and he knew that.

warm hugs

scarlet x
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Dear Laura (plz forgive me if my spelling isnt great my keyboard isnt working very well)

after reading your story i have tears in my eyes! i lost my mum last summer.. and althoguh i lived in the hospice with her for a wee .. and thought i was prepared .. nothing could ever make me understand how it feels to loose my mum! .. i was asleep with my mum when she passed .. i have had many feelings thinking i should have been awake, talking to her? .. but what good does it do? i cant change that! so many people said to me .. she is at peace now, or she is happy now .. but she was always happy, she never felt ill, nor did she describe herslf as ill .. which makes it difficult to believe that my mum is not in peace but struggling because she knows me and my sister are without her! i know my mum wasnt scared of dying .. as she was religious .. however i know she was scared of leaving us without anyone (we do not live with our dad) .. my mum was my life! i dont go a day without thinking about her and crying over her! in my mind it wasnt her time and she didnt deserve to leave this world as she was so special! but i have come to terms with the fact tht there is nothing i can do now! .. time will heal you! and 6 months on although i struggle .. i have learnt to laugh and smile again! .. which you will .. because your dad would have wanted you to! there is a grief process which everyone must go through .. and i dont believe it ever leaves us .. but i know we can become used to it .. and i hope you can find someone to talk to about your upset ..

if you need to .. please private mail me!

with love

jillian xxx
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