Back to school today (I'm a teaching assisitant working with primary age children). Usually I would be complaining about the end of the holidays but reading blogs & comments on here I'm VERY aware that I'm lucky, lucky, lucky to be healthy and able to go to work. Hideous cancer puts everything else into perspective.
J had a day off from caring for his dad yesterday (Sunday) so he relaxed by working like a maniac in the garden (in the hailstones & sunshine). His sister, a former nurse and Extremely Capable person, was taking care of d-in-law. At teatime, his sister rang and we chatted since J was out with Wee Dog: dad-in-law had a relatively good day, as in he had picked at a few scraps of food but hadn't thrown up. He's been starving himself for nearly 3 weeks now. He has those energy drinks, the milkshakey things J had after his throat radiotherapy, but won't touch them. He says he has a permanently foul taste in his mouth so everything tastes disgusting.
His mobility is decreasing almost every day: he had a zimmer with wheels but now doesn't have the strength to push himself up from his armchair or kitchen chair to lean on it. The 'rehab' (wtf) team have given him a sort of bed frame to help him sit up in bed, but he can't get in or out unassisted. He has 4 carer visits per day and one in the middle of the night: previously J or his 2 siblings had been staying overnight, mostly for reassurance, but last week he had been vomiting repeatedly and we were all convinced he was into his last days.
ANYWAY, no sooner had sister hung up then one of the carers rang to say dad-in-law was very agitated, hyperventilating again, feeling very cold and in a panic, and refusing to go to bed without J being there. He'd forgotten the arrangement etc etc and J ended up rushing round. J's dad is 97, blind in one eye and very, very deaf. He takes his hearing aids out when he goes to bed so can hear virtually nothing then. Despite 3 or 4 phonecalls back & forth (sister, carer, sister, me, J, sister) when J arrived, his dad was calmer and tucked up in bed & they decided not to call the dr after all.
J sat with him for a long time, holding his hand & stroking his forehead so he wouldn't feel alone. Poor J. He tries so hard to look after everybody: his 3 kids and their kids, my 3 kids, me, his dad... He's exhausted and endlessly patient. I made him eat before he went zooming off but it barely touched the sides.
We are awaiting the All Solving scan tomorrow: will it be a blocked bile duct that can be fixed? Will it be pancreatic cancer? Who knows.
Watch this space...
