Dad-in-law is getting worse. His memory is deteriorating to the extent that he can't remember which family member has taken him out & where he has been.
He is very weak. When he has been put to bed he can't sit up and have a drink or switch on his lamp, so when the carer last night forgot to leave his hall light on and he woke up, he didn't know where he was as it was dark. (He is blind in one eye). Last week, he had been given his pills at about 9pm and woke at 11 feeling that he was choking on one of them, so pressed the button on his emergency bracelet. Someone came & checked on him but couldn't stay with him. He was distressed and scared so they contacted his son (my J) who had to get put of bed and drive off to stay with him all night and most of the morning. When J arrived, his dad was very confused & we still don't know whether a pill had got 'stuck' or he just felt like it had.
There are queries about his care team. One forgot to put his socks on one morning. Others forget to leave a light on in late afternoon so he is in the dark for a while. Others don't read instructions or don't write down what they've done.
If a family member isn't with him, his day consists of being got up, catheter bag sorted, a wash of sorts, getting dressed and having a minuscule breakfast and sitting in his chair til bedtime. He can watch tv & change channels but is extremely deaf (2 hearing aids). He may read the newspaper if there is one. He eats tiny amounts, more if a son or his daughter is there. He can't get out of his chair unaided and can no longer use his zimmer even if he is helped to stand. If he goes out, he has to be helped into a wheelchair and has been to the local park in it, but is supersensitive to cold. If he goes out in the car, he won't leave it til he gets home. His flat is always very, very warm.
He dozes on and off, most of the day. He rarely talks. He is extremely depressed, but with his liver damage, his GP won't prescribe antidepressants.
My J, and his siblings are very attentive but it isn't possible for them to be with him as much as he wants or as much as they feel they should. His personality has changed (along with his becoming incontinent and his substantail weight loss). He is now very demanding where he used to be so independent and not wanting to bother anyone: he is now a frail sick old man.
This past week, as an about-face from He Must Stay At Home At All Costs, the siblings have begun to consider the Care Home option, maybe as respite care for a limited time but ultimately as the only realistic solution. J's sister mentioned respite in July/August: I nearly screamed. That's so far away and J is exhausted NOW.
Dad-in-law has 2 adult grand-daughters in his town, who visit, as do many of his neighbours. He doesn't really interact with people any more: he is weary and miserable.
It's an awful situation. We are all on tenterhooks and expect every phonecall to be some kind of emegency. We have no idea how long he has to go on suffering like this. Or even what exactly is wrong with him (apart from his prostate cancer, which was supposed to be slow-growing & not life-threatening). He has had many, many tests and investigations.
It's all a bit of a nightmare. (And as light relief, my Difficult Mother keeps ringing up to ask about him tho she has met him only twice. And I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE BLOODY TIME! but there isn't a choice. )
