Dad-in-law is booked in for a week of respite care starting on Monday 11th June... This is quite a startling development as J's sister hadn't been considering it until much later, but she has set it up.
J and I were in Derbyshire visiting his brother and the 2 blokes were of one mind, that 24/7 care is needed NOW for their dad, but sister wasn't of the same opinion. They all spoke by phone (conference-call style!) and it seemed as though all were in agreement, so much relief all round. The brothers were wary of upsetting their sister and various solutions were bandied about but they thought maybe they wouldn't ne necessary
.Today (Friday) I have had a call from sis, who doesn't sound as if she IS on the same page. She's now voicing serious doubts as to whether DIL is really willing to go into the care home, as he has said in the past it's the one thing he really, really DIDN'T want (perfectly understandable, of course). Apparently, DIL has agreed to respite care (as in one week) to give it a go, but sis is wondering what happens if he doesn't like it... And once home again, then what...?
She (ex-nurse, knows her stuff) says he is currently assessed as needing Social Care primarily rather than nursing care, so the 5 care visits he has a day are deemed to be sufficient. BUT last night (again) he woke up in a panic, pressed his emergency button and CareLIne came round (1a.m.),and sent for a nurse who administered paracetamol as he 'had a pain and felt sick', then settled him down again for the night. This morning, the District Nurse has been round, this afternoon the doctor will call, he has a new antibiotic prescription for yet another UTI...Sis thinks his confusion and panic may be due to the UTI but the fear of dying alone or just being alone has been ongoing for a while. He's very frail and his personality is transforming daily into a very needy, vulnerable person who has lost all his (formerly enormous) enthusiasm and interest. It's very, very sad to see and his life is now limited to sitting in an armchair for most of the day. The day-carers are meant to get him to walk (with zimmer) to the kitchen for meals (his only exercise) but leave him be if/when he says he's tired. They don't have the time in their allotted slots to cajole & persuade and do all they're meant to.
IT ISN'T WORKING!!! We just have to cross everything that the Respite experience is a positive one for DIL. It's too horrible to contemplate what happens if he 'has to' go into full-time care against his wishes.
