10th June: any advice?

Less than one minute read time.

FormerMember

10 Jun 2012

Today, my dad would have been 79.

I feel as if I should be FEELING something on his first 'missed' birthday, but I don't feel anything at all. When we went back to my parents' house a few days ago, I tested my reaction (none, really) and am puzzled by it. I think about him from time to time, and have occasionally thought of buying something he would like, or telling him something only he would 'get', but that seems to be it.

He's been dead 7 months now, and I'm very much in the 'not with a bang, but a whimper' stage, as opposed to my mother, who is crushed with grief.

If anybody has felt like this, I would be VERY glad to hear about it as I'm concerned at my apparent lack of concern. (MAYBE it has a lot to do with my antidepressants, but I'm not convinced).

Cruton over 12 years ago

Hi Minima as others have said there is no right or wrong way no normal or abnormal unless you get stuck in grief and feel unable to move on with life there is no time scale of what you should feel and when you should feel it and as LM says your normal more hugs Cruton xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Thank you, everybody: just wanted to air my thoughts and you've all pretty much said what I thought you might, so I am reassured. I wasn't upset to start with and wondered if I should be, but I'll just carry on as I was...Plenty of crises among the living to keep me occupied!

In response to Hilary and Twirly, I FINALLY sought counselling (which progressed to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) in 2005 when Marriage #2 broke up (the Alky dad) and J and I had just got together & by rights, everything should have been Just Fine. Turned out that I (aged 44!!!) was in a mess because of my parents' being highly-educated idiots and emotional cripples. That was when I started on the pills, and God bless the drug manufaturers, I say.

Using my wonderful 20/20 hindsight, I realise I had been depressed on and off since I was about 17, when my first boyfriend (a total wanker, now a MATHS teacher) dumped me and my granny (who openly adored me) was killed in a road accident. All that is ancient history and I think I have my priorities sorted out now.

Many grateful hugs and thanks to you all: this place is obviously where all the Uncommon Common Sense is... x x x and hurray for being bonkers, LM, it's the only logical approach x x x (you cheeky wee besom) xxx
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