I do wonder whether I will be of any use here. My experience of Cancer is simply living with it smouldering in the background for a known ten years. Though it is likely I had CLL long before the diagnosis. I have no idea of what stage I am in. My last Consultant said. I should consider my blood counts as normal for me! It seems to do little.has infriltrated my spine, but again! Little awareness of its presence. My prognosis is that I will probably die with rather than from it, so it is between CLL and the heart! That is fine but the arteries! Mmmm, A stent in the main coronary artery, second on its way to blocking, but that was three years past. Having discarded all medication but aspirin and tramadol 5omg plus the odd use of a nitro lingual pumpspray. I find the quality of life more as it should be, I have no experience of dificulty or distress in this illness. I came to terms with it very quickly. I do have experience of caring. And of dealing with death, those things may well be of use. I am one of those human beings who has the ability to listen. It allow others release from their dificulties.
So I am a more than fortunate Man. Fortunate in that the Cancer smoulders, that I have a good Wife and a comfortable home, that I have Shit shuz(Namoose)who is great company when my Wife is at work. I do not work as I retired when I as diagnosed. Literaly a second or so after the Consultant said. You have Leukaemia. Well why not! It was a lovely summers day, I simply did not go to work the next morning, or any morning since. I spend my time writing, walking Namoose. Shopping with my Wife and that is a killer. I must know all the shops in England as well as in other countries. And pavements! They are much the same as any other, bar the Sahara which is a little sandy!
In this blog I will write on general things, the odd poem perhaps! The human condition. And of course in repy to any comments made. But make no mistake. I am more than aware that CLL smoulders in me. That my body seek to destroy itself, yet seek to defend itself, but I am but a few weeks from seventy. Such things have no real concern and there is no fear in mortality.
Be at ease within self though you may be in distress. Live the moment you are within, as much as you can, Have that extra piece of chocolate. Why not! When I want to be wicked. I go for Cornish Cream, that taste of childhood. And to hell with mortality.
London 12th October 2009.
