I'll add some back story later, but let's start with 'the moment'. This was the day the word 'malignant' went on overdrive in one of the crappiest ways possible.
Having been back in school teaching for 2 1/2 days after self-isolating I was starting to feel chipper. I'd been having throat problems (soreness, throat clearing, hoarse voice) since June. Originally wondering if it was some version of long Covid (a work friend tested positive just as they stopped testing in March, my symptoms changed and I was sent into lockdown a week before the rest of you), the locum GP had told me the week before I had a considerable vitamin D deficiency and prescribed me a high dose. 3 weeks earlier I'd finally seen the ENT specialist from my 2 week referral 3 months earlier. To be fair, hindsight has made me glad of that delay, the tumours may not have be spotted and I could have been gadding about not knowing still now. The specialist had a good prod at my throat and I had the full camera treatment, he couldn't see anything but when talking through my symptoms he wasn't happy. I will be eternally grateful to him for then referring me for an MRI.
The MRI happened to be the same day I went back to work in December. They called to ask if I could go earlier, so I even managed to go on my way home from work. I remember telling my boss on my way out how much I felt like a fraud having this, how much better I felt. How much that was soon to change!!
2 days later..... I checked my phone at lunch break to see some missed calls and a message from my husband with a number I had to call. Tried this and it didn't work, so he went off to check. In the meantime I innocently went to have my lunch. Hoping to make it to my classroom before my 6th formers, my hopes were dashed. There's very few private places in a school so I headed off to the department storage cupboard. Sitting on the chair in the cupboard, hubbie had sent me the right number and I got through.... 10 minutes later, buckets of tears, 'two malignant lumps' repeated a dozen times and wham there it was, I had cancer! The doctor was very apologetic for telling me this way, but he wanted to refer me ASAP. In some ways I'm glad there was no witness to the initial shock. I sent one colleague out part way through, and he sent my boss in. She was great, bundled me into her office, passed the tissues and listened, then went to take my class to hers. Giving myself a few minutes to build the strength I then needed to call home. That was so hard, telling my best mate over the phone, but he was waiting on my call. I cried some more, then composed myself enough to call the school nurse to give me something for the banging headache.
Again, she was amazing. Talking me through what I could recall from the phone and my symptoms. We were joined by the deputy and agreed the safest thing was to go home, teach remotely and not risk missing any appointments due to Covid. Once I was collected enough to drive home I ventured back to the scene of the crime, grabbed my bits and went.
Not sure how I'll feel when I next go in there, whenever that might be!
