It's Christmas Eve babe... (Opening line to fairytale in New York) .... I'm delighted to say I'm not in the drunk tank! Yes it is Christmas eve morning at 6am. I'm sitting in my nice warm living room, the tree lights are on, the house is quiet and I'm contemplating both the last week and the week ahead. Last week I took a road trip with my mother. We went as far as Meigle in Perthshire by way of North Yorkshire with Glasgow and Preston on the way back. We were incredibly lucky in that we visited with lots of lovely people some of whom I had not seen since I was a teenager.... It was great. We also had great luck with the weather. Snow fell in the south after we left and the roads, whilst cold (-5 in places) were fairly safe and clear. We arrived home around 6pm on Saturday before the worst of the weather hit ...well... everywhere! I have a bit of a cold which has driven me to take cold remedies rather than my co-codamol. This has been an interesting change, I had an upset stomach for the first day but I'm managing to tolerate the pain. Having been on the co-codamol since September, I'm rather glad to be taking a break from it. There have been too many articles about 'addiction' to painkillers for me not to have been concerned. I have probably been a little irritable over the last few days but I feel it is a small price to pay when going cold turkey! Every cloud has a silver lining. Talking of turkey - we usually have goose at Christmas but this year we are going to cook turkey and I am rather looking forward to it. We have bought a rolled breast joint so have no fear of a large turkey carcass feeling like a presence in the kitchen, outstaying it's welcome. I will be boiling the ham today, finishing it off with a nice mustard and sugar coating and using the left over stock to make a yummy ham and split pea soup for lunch. The weather report says it is 0 degrees outside, freezing rain is forecast with a low of -1 and a high of 5. The road outside my house is like a sheet of ice. My Herceptin appointment is at 9am and the hospital is a 30 minute drive away (in good weather with moderate traffic). So I'm expecting a bit of an adventure this morning! I'm having a Lemsip now in the hope I'll be feeling ok when I eventually get there. I'm being optimistic and allowing 1 hour for the journey. I suspect the pharmacy won't make up the treatment until I arrive - due to the weather and the expense - so I'm also expecting that the rumored 30 minute treatment will probably take an 1.5 - 2.5 hours to complete if I'm lucky. Last time I waited an hour for them to start and then it took an hour to deliver! Fingers crossed it will all go quickly. Last time part of the problem was accessing my port. This time I think I will take a directing role in how they attempt it as I'm already too tender to want multiple stabs! Other than that.... My eyelashes are back - they are short but they are definitely there! My head hair is now looking fairly dark, and whilst there are 3 areas that are not as densely packed as the rest, it looks like it is getting thicker. I'm estimating that I might be able to have it shaped into a short style by Easter! I have 4 finger nails that are still my own. They all look like they should have fallen off but I think they will hang in there and hopefully stay attached until the new healthy nail is fully grown. I have had false tips put onto all the other fingers for the sake of appearance - useful for interviews and when visit relatives and friends that don't know about this health stuff! One fell off on the drive home on Saturday - perfect timing really - and that nail is now not far off fully grown. I have been taking a combination supplement from Boots to help promote growth... perhaps that is helping! My feet and hands are still a bit numb ... but I realised this morning that I no longer have the dreadful dry skin that plagued me for so long... Isn't it great how quickly we manage to forget the bad stuff - the appetite and taste problems, the streaming eyes and nose, the terrible pain, the fear of the operations, the misery of sharing the news, the terror of the initial diagnosis.. Thankfully it really requires some effort to remember how dark some of those days were. I have been out of work this year having been made redundant just weeks before my diagnosis. I sometimes feel that I have wasted having a year off and beat myself up about it. But then I remember... I have passed my MBA exams, and whilst my dissertation is still outstanding, I have a plan in place to get it done. I have spent a lot more time with my kids than I could have had I been in work, I have managed to keep this illness from them so there has been no air of fear in the house. All has been relatively normal. I even managed to get a few songs recorded for my Christmas gift to my mum and a few close friends (thanks to Pepper - the most wonderful engineer and producer ever!!!). I have also had 3 operations, 6 chemo sessions, 20 radio sessions, recovered from 2 post surgery problems, the radio burn is almost gone, The chemo pain is receding, I'm on Herceptin number 4 out of 18 and I should only have 3 or 4 mugga scans to go. Admittedly I have not started taking my tamoxifen yet but think I will start it very soon. I keep having one reason or another to not start but I'm reaching the point where I want to get on with it and think the need outweighs my concerns.. so I'll pick a day very soon and take my chances with the side effects. All in all, whilst it isn't the year off I would have wished for, it has not been wasted. Perhaps this was something I had to experience and in fact it may have been perfect timing. In many many ways I still have lots to be thankful for. So all that remains is to wish you all a very very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year. Now.... where is that de-icer..???? Lots of love to you and yours - Noj xxx
