Looking for an open ear or two!

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I was diagnosed with Carcinoid Cancer in March 2010. I had it in 2004 as well but had both tumors removed. My surgeon was 110% sure he got it all! Wrong! This time there is no chance of surgery, to many tumors.  When I was diagnosed I was told I had 4 inoperable tumors between my right lung & my liver. I thought my life was over at that point. I decided to go to CTCA (Cancer Treatment Centers of America) for a 2nd opinion. There I had a PET Scan. This showed that I didn't have 4 tumors, I had 20 to 30!! I didn't know what to say or do then!! I just went numb all over.

I received Sandostatin injections from April 2010 to June 2011. I had a CT Scan in July 2011 which showed my cancer had spread. So much for having a slow growing cancer! I have this disease in 6 different places now: liver, both lungs, lower spine, left breast, cervix & uterus. I now take 2 different chemo pills. One of which really gets me down, mentally & physically. It is bad enough having this disease but not being able to talk to anyone about it makes it worse. I believe my husband is still in denial, my daughter won't talk about it, my son will on occasion. I have opened up to a sister-in-law once. Her responses make me think she believes I am dying. Needless to say I don't talk to her about how I feel anymore.

I have days where I just want to scream, cry, throw things, curl up & hide & whatever else you can imagine but noone to talk to about it to help me through. I feel I am supposed to keep everything bottled up inside & not speak of it.

I know someone out there knows how I feel. I am just looking for a place to vent & someone to talk to that understands.

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