Nineteen days

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

30 Oct 2011

Nineteen days... Is that all???

Says it all really ninteen days since mums passing.

Does it get any easier? Not if I think of it in that way, to me she is working away. People look at me and wonder... why is she not more upset???

Believe me I would love the freedom to crawl into a corner just to cry, scream or break into a million pieces. Unfortunately mum left a big hole in alot of peoples lives and she always was one for showing a brave face - after all bills have to be paid, shopping has to be done and a million and one other things that everyone expects still to be done. However the fact that it falls to me to do it all is AARRGH hateful!!!

Don't get me wrong I was aware of all she did for each and every person in her life, I just never thought that it would fall to me to grow up and do the same.

So for that end I find I have to shelve my feelings (hopefully I wont break because of it) and get on and take care of business!!!

I can't even begin to explain how much I miss her. Life has changed in ways even I could not imagine. I would love to say that all goes on just in a different way and in some ways it does. Her belongings are put in her bedroom as if she will sort them later. After all they are all still there so she can't really be gone can she?!?!? The thought of sorting through things is just heartbreaking.

I know eventually I will have to face it but procrastrination is an art I have perfected. The day I start sorting through it all will be the day I have to accept she really wont be coming back no matter how long her watch and rings are kept warm. It truely is a day I never want to arrive, though neither was the day the cancer finally beat her!!!

So I will end my blog here for now. I hope the strength to face it all comes painlessly... doubt it but one can live in hope after all I spent just two short months doing that!!!!

So R.I.P mum every day you are missed, just because you were, well for want of a better description a gaurdian angel who always wanted to make people smile.

I love you now as always xxxx

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Helen,

Sorry that Mum has gone to tread on greener grass..... thats how I like to think of my parents, strolling through a sunny day on lush green lawns... Well truthfuly... Dad would be in a pub and Mum would be wading in the sea with her dress tucked in her knicker legs and he always walked about 10 paces infront of her x

It was 6 months after my Dad went before it hit me....of course I cried when he went but being the only child and Mum not excepting him leaving...it fell on me to sort things out, 2wks after the funeral Mum took an overdose..luckily she lived in sheltered premises and they got to her quickly.

What Im trying to say is....everyone grieves differently, some fall to pieces from day 1, others need order in their lives and choose to be busier than ever, sometimes just general day to day stuff is enough. You cant grade grief on how many tears are shed, no-one but you knows how your heart is breaking Helen and when those tears want out, believe me they will come. Just remember to take care of yourself.

Each day that passes will help your heart to release the pain you feel, it may be a slow process but it will heal love, happy memories will help too.

BIG HUGS HELEN

Shaz ((((((((((((((((((((((xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx))))))))))))))))))))))
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