International Friendship Day - How to talk to a friend with cancer

Today is International Friendship Day. It’s a day to celebrate our friendships and thank our friends for being there for us. It can be a difficult time if a friend has cancer and you might worry that you don’t know what to say. In this blog, Editorial Assistant Helen will talk about how to talk to your friend if they have cancer and give some tips about how to support them.

Talking can help make sense of difficult experiences. If a friend of loved one has cancer, your support can make a real difference to them.

You may worry that you’ll say the wrong thing. But often the most important things are just listening to your friend and being open and sensitive to their feelings. 

Here are some tips on how to talk to a friend with cancer.

Get the setting right
Somewhere comfortable that offers privacy is best. You could try to:

• switch off your mobile phone and other distractions, like the TV
• let them know you have time to sit and talk with them
• sit down next to the person or at an angle to each other, rather than face on to help to make the setting feel less intimidating.

Show you are listening
It’s good to look at the person as you’re listening, to show them they have your full attention. You could also nod occasionally and encourage the person to talk by making comments such as ‘Hmmm’, ‘Uh-huh’ or ‘Yes’.

Try to avoid talking while your friend is talking and don’t get caught up with thinking about what you’re going to say next. Listening is not the same as waiting to talk.

Keep an open mind

If your friend tells you about their fears or worries, it’s important to let them be sad or upset. It may be distressing for you to hear some of the things they say. Try to:

• make time for both your feelings and your relative or friend’s feelings
• give your opinion respectfully, but be aware your relative or friend may have a different opinion. 
• treat the other person the way you think they would want to be treated.

Supporting a person with cancer can be very rewarding and can bring you closer together. But it can also be demanding and sometimes upsetting. It’s important to make sure that you look after yourself and have the support you need.

We have lots more information about talking to a friend with cancer including tips about what not to say, coping with difficult emotions, how to keep in touch, and other things you can do to help. 

To see what else Macmillan's cancer information team has been blogging about, please visit our blog home page! You can subscribe to receive our blogs by email or RSS too.

We're with you every step of the way

The Macmillan team is here to help. Our cancer support specialists can answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen if you need a chat. Call us free on 0808 808 00 00.

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