The experience of cancer has been compared to a boat lost at sea in a storm. While the waters rage around you, a lifeboat races to your rescue in the form of health professionals and a structured treatment plan. Slowly, the health professionals tow you closer and closer to the shore where your friends and family stand waving and awaiting your return. You’re almost home! And then they stop. The lifeboat is gone. Your boat is intact, but it’s badly battered. You can see home, but don’t know how to reach it. You feel more lost and more stranded than you’ve ever felt before.
You may feel you must be alone in feeling this way. Aren’t you supposed to be elated when your cancer treatment ends?
Increasingly, we are hearing from people who say this is the time they struggle the most. How do you navigate those last few yards back to shore?
Uncertainty
It’s likely your cancer diagnosis brought into doubt many of your plans for the future. Things you took for granted may now be feeling less certain. Worrying about whether the cancer will come back is a natural response. Try to remember that, while no one may be able to control whether your cancer returns, there are many things you can control.
Many people make lifestyle changes. Maybe they start an exercise routine or a healthier diet. Some people make changes to their work/life balance with a career change. And some find themselves walking away from toxic relationships. What you choose to do matters less than the actual doing.
Anger
You may feel it’s unfair that you got cancer and other people didn’t. You could be clashing with other people’s expectations as to what you should be doing and how you should be treated. Or you may feel confused about what you are feeling and why. Anger is the perfect disguise for feelings such as helplessness, sadness, guilt, frustration and fear.
Our Talking about cancer booklet has many tips on how to cope with your anger. If your anger is becoming threatening or is directed at those close to you, get help from a counsellor.
Self-esteem
How you feel about yourself influences every aspect of your life. You may be struggling with changes to your body image, career and relationships. Take time to grieve for the old you. Then focus on what you’re capable of achieving now. Don’t set the expectations of yourself too high and give yourself credit for what you’ve come through.
Relationships
Cancer doesn’t affect just you. Maybe your partner has been a carer for you and you can’t get back to your old dynamic. A colleague might have taken over your favourite tasks at work. Or maybe your children got used to Gran reading the bedtime story and ask for her. Changes to your role at work or home can lead to issues of control, ungratefulness, guilt and feelings of a lack of purpose. It’s easy to fear your relationships will never be the same again. Talk to your partner, boss, family and friends. Give yourselves time to adjust and recover.
Depression
You are physically and emotionally exhausted. Is it any wonder you feel low? Feelings of depression may come straight after treatment or they may appear years later. They are not a sign of personal failure or an inability to cope. Depression is common and can usually be treated successfully. The first step to feeling better is finding help. If your symptoms of depression last for more than a couple of weeks, it may be time to speak to your healthcare team.
Talking helps
Once your cancer treatment has finished, there is no quick fix to get you back to your old self. Some changes may be temporary, but some may be permanent. With time, many people find ways to enjoy their lives again. Talking about your feelings can help you accept difficult emotions and feel less alone.
If any of these feelings are stopping you from getting on with your life, support is available. Call the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 to talk to trained cancer support specialists.
We're with you every step of the way
The Macmillan team is here to help. Our cancer support specialists can answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen if you need a chat. Call us free on 0808 808 00 00.
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