I am just writing this blog as a bit of a cathartic outlet if that makes sense?
I have had nearly 10 months of treatment and it has been very tough, am glad I didn't know I was on for treatment for that length of time in the beginning. There have been many complications and hold up's along the way and it feels strange to know that it will be complete next week!
Just can't believe it has all happened to me really, this morning my Relay for life pack arrived and there in front of me was my Survivor t shirt, very surreal moment as I thought, yes that is what i am! Really hate that survivor title/ word but hey ho....
The mental stress has been awful and I lost my job a while back, so money has become a night mare. Mind you I suppose being unemployed has meant that I did actually take that much needed rest.
Am so glad that the treatment will be over and the consultants are very happy with things. Just what will I do with my self and time and energy? I feel as if I have been in an abusive relationship and the abuser is finally leaving me, the abuser is going to prison for a life sentence. I am delighted of course but just feel really strange and am not quite sure how the start my life again.
The old me is gone I feel, I just feel so strange and quite bitter actually. Have had very limited support and am angry about that, I know how little I meant to those I really thought I could depend on and that I came into this world alone and will leave alone, I can only really depend on myself.
I really hope to get a new job soon and have done very well with applications and interview invites just lately)
My wish is to make new friends and have a bit of a new start and find my sparkle again, it just seems so hard to do. How do you meet new people when you are single and child free at 38?? Any ideas folks?
I am going to think of the Relay for Life day as a new beginning and a rebirth for me. Maybe I will find some inspiration from here once again?
Thanks for reading and love to you all, what ever your reason for visiting.
xx
