I have officially joined and become a signed up member of this club, the club that no one wants to belong to. Finding a lump, and believing with your whole heart that it was a cyst, was the start of this complete nightmare. I entered a world that felt completely alien and one where I certainly did not feel like I belonged. Yes I was being told this is what you have, this is how we are going to treat it and this is what we hope and expect the outcome to be , but it felt; and still does, as if it was happening to someone else, a real out of body experience.
And so then I began numerous appointments, numerous blood tests, scans and consultations and then the 1st surgery. It was a lumpectomy, which up until then I would have had an educated guess at what it was. I suddenly discovered what and where lymph nodes were and how critical a part they played. Going home afterwards was a relief and felt as if it was the start of this whole nasty thing getting rid of and carrying on with my life.
But no, those pesky lymph nodes came back with cancer detected. Big surprise to me and, it appeared to be, a huge surprise for my lovely surgeon. So 2 days later I was back having more general anesthetic and having more lymph nodes removed. This time I felt like someone who was ill, like someone who had something wrong. It knocked me and caused me to be upset. The swelling, pain and general discomfort it caused became all consuming. Friends and family were my saviour and I often thought " how the hell do people cope if they're on their own without support"?.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and I get told that all was good and they were looking to start radiotherapy as soon as I return from my holiday, my holiday with my fiancé to the far part of Southern France. A road trip, driving from Cherbourg down to Collioure stopping along the way and the way back. The thought of being there, away from all this crazy, was what was driving me on and helping me keep sane. The only hurdle was the 2 lymph nodes with cancer in, so to be on the safe side, a special test was going to be done. This Oncotype DX test determined the likelihood of the cancer reoccurring in the next 5 years. My team were extremely optimistic and, therefore, so was I. Turned out my optimism was wrongly placed. The results came back with the cancer showing it was aggressive and likely to reoccur, so now we're going to be having chemotherapy. Just saying the word seems completely mad, me, Chemotherapy!! How have I got to this?? I've spoken to a lovely Chemo nurse, discussing wigs. I think I have imposter syndrome because it truly doe not feel real. I still have my holiday in a week's time, so before that I have a bone scan and a CT scan and then ...holiday. Being near the beach being in the sun and away from here in a new environment will be exactly what both of us need and I am feeling so lucky that I have that to look forward to 
