blah

So i went to hospital yesterday to have my blood taken and checked before chemo on Monday, toook ages for that to come out, then one of the Nurses comes in to see if i have rethought the whole bone marrow thing, told her i didn't want it done eventually she left me alone. Had blood pressure and pulse checked, pulse was high.

Went to hospital today, on my own cos was only going for picc line in, see wig lady and have lung function test, i was fine with all them, insisted i was fine going on my own.

Nurse tried twice in both arms with "very good veins" to get picc line in but couldn't, so booked in for Monday to have it done using a tv like screen so they can see exactly where it's going and miss any valves that may have been blocking it today. I now have two sore arms and nothing to show for it, but i was ok with that.

Sent on wild goose chase when i went for lung function test in another part of the hospital.

Wig lady didn't turn up.

I'm still feeling fine but could do with getting outta there i got there just before 8am and it was now almost 1pm, told them i wasn't just waiting round for the wig lady, nurse asked me to wait and see the dr who would be there in a few minutes.

Went in to see dr who said i was anaemic, hb level 8.5 should be 11 if it dropped below 8 i would need blood transfusion...ok i can cope with that, asked if not eating properly could be causing anaemia he said not at this level. He said my iron levels were fine so it wasn't that and because of that he wanted me to have a bone marrow test :( why cant they just get off the  bone marrow band wagon an leave me alone, my heart sank, panic set in, tears came i just wanted to shout at him to shut the hell up and run outta there and just run and keep running far away from it all.

He said regardless of the hodgkins being anaemic and it not being related to iron they would want a bone marrow :(

So Monday morning i have a sedative to take as soon as i get up to get me in the hospital then once there they will give me another if needed bone marrow test 8am, picc line 11am, chemo 1pm.

NEVER HAVE I WANTED TO BE AT WORK SO MUCH ON A MONDAY MORNING :(

Feel like all control has gone, fed up off being surprised with something nasty each time i go up there :(

Apparently once Monday is out the way everything will settle down into a pattern....i aint stupid dont believe anything they say.

Nurse i was talking to said i think the bone marrow talk is just the icing on the cake that tips me over, i did say i know i have built this bone marrow test up into something huge...but i do know it is going to feel  horrible...they better be doing the sucking type cos if they think they are pushing further in to my bone and twisting an turning the needle they got another thing coming. Think i will phone up and ask them tomorrow actually.

I'm exhausted yet again....just when i thought i had a nice stress free few days before chemo started.

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