It's 8 weeks today since my mum passed away and I feel more raw now than when I lost her. Issues around my return to work have made things a lot more difficult and many of you will know that I have given my boss bad press. I have always said that I thought her actions were well intentioned but unfortunately her timing and unwillingness to answer my questions have left me feeling extremely anxious.
The latest concern was when she emailed me on Monday, immediately after the counselling session I had felt forced to have before I was ready, to tell me a welfare meeting had been arranged for this Friday at 12pm in school. I know I have to attend the meeting as I checked with my union but I asked if it could take place at my house. She emailed back to say that wasn't possible but offered to hold it in our 6th form building which is quieter and also said she would meet me in the car park. Having spoken at length to a friend I emailed her again to ask if the meeting could be rescheduled at a time when it would be possible for her to come to my house. I received the following reply:
Hi Caroline
I am in a really difficult position - torn between my personal relationship with you, desperate to support you in the way you think best and my professional role.
Sorry for the confusion regarding policies, my fault entirely. Welfare meetings have to take place before moving on to the formal Sickness Absence Policy and should be within a time framework. This welfare meeting is later than it should normally be which is immediately after Occupational Health visits. I have to be seen to be starting the support process. Don’t get too hung up on processes. One step at a time!! In line with our policy you are required to attend meetings and HR will push for going ahead and recording non-attendance if you do not turn up.
I cannot stress to you enough that this really is an informal meeting that is meant to be supportive. Please try not to get yourself worked up – see it as us meeting up for a coffee and a chat about how you are doing. Would it help if I try to book a room somewhere neutral like Crosshill? The fact that I have three cases on the go with HR makes it even more difficult in terms of having to be seen to be treating all staff equally in line with policy. I regret that this is all starting to sound very bureaucratic. Our meeting would not be – I promise!! I am looking forward to seeing you and you know that I will continue to support you in any way that I can. Hopefully see you tomorrow. Take care
Colette XX
The first paragraph for me says it all. I'm relieved that she has acknowledged our friendship and the difficulty with balancing that and her professional responsibility. I had felt so hurt that someone I had considered a friend, and had been so close to, could turn against me and seem hell bent on making my situation even more difficult. She hasn't handled it well and a lot of the upset could have been avoided but I now understand how difficult she has found it. Misguided maybe, but certainly not malicious. Although I am still anxious about going into school tomorrow I feel a bit better about it. I will certainly give it a go. I'll let you know how it goes.
