Woke up this morning at 5.40am and decided I might as well get up and start to put the house to rights. During the, almost, 12 months of mums illness I realised I have let things go and my mum was so house proud that I know it must have upset her that her rigorous regime of cleaning had gone to the wall. I decided yesterday I would start with the kitchen and work my way through the house systematically.
I began emptying and cleaning the cupboards yesterday and set to with a vengeance again this morning. I've just stopped to have a coffee, felt fine one minute and was in floods of tears the next. I can hardly see to type this. I love this house and mum was always happy here, it was the place we were meant to be but now it just feels so empty.
Yesterday my uncle phoned to ask how I was because my auntie must have told him I'd been upset. He told me that I would be ok and that, in time, I would feel more free! I wouldn't have to think about someone else anymore. I know he was trying to help but I don't want to feel more free or not to have to consider someone else anymore! I just want my mum back! I'm almost 50 years of age and I need my mum!
