Mum is not good at all. She's really tired and breathlless. 'Wheezing like and old cart horse' as she says! I've had the week off work to be with her after this first chemo and am due to go back on Monday. Last night she told me if she was being honest she was scared about being on her own on Monday. It's the first ime she's admitted she is frightened. The nurse went on at great length about all the things we have to look out for as her immune system is weakened and how quick we had to respond to rises in temperature etc and I think it's preying on mums mind. Now that I know she's scared it preying even more on mine.
My boss has been fab and I don't want to take advantage of that, especially since I know I will need time off as we go through this nightmare. I am in an absolute quandry and don't know that I can actually leave her on her own on Monday. This is all so new and maybe once we've been through this first cycle we'll cope better with the range of side effects and emotions that we will go through.
We also received a form about attendance allowance yesterday. I assume mums CNS has arranged it and someone is coming to see mum about it next Friday. I'm really worried as reading through the 45 pages I'm wondering whether she is thought to be in the special conditions category. We've deliberately not asked for a prognosis and I'm terrified this person will say mum will get it because she has a terminal prognosis. I can't have that, even if it's true! She doesn't want to know anything and just wants to get on with the treatment. That's her way of dealing with it and we are still talking about our summer holiday. If she falls into the special conditions category it means they don't expect her to be around by then. I can't stand the thought of her finding that out and I don't want to know as it would maybe effect the way I am with her and I want us to be as normal as possible.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, which I'm sure many of you have, any advice would be welcome.
