After being so buoyed up yesterday with mums good news both of us have been a bit flat today. I don't know how to explain it. I suppose it's the reality that there is no guarantee that NED today will be NED tomorrow. Does that make any sense? People have been saying to mum isn't it wonderful that it has gone, and of course it is, but we know it's not gone for good and it's hard not to worry about when, and where, it will rear its ugly head next. We should be dancing for joy but........
Mum is still very tired and had a bad sweat last night, the first for a while. This immediately worried me as it's a symptom of lung cancer. So why is she still having them if there's no cancer there? Maybe the chemo also causes it? I think someone told me that. I'm sure the chemo has not all left her body yet as it's just two weeks since her last one? Am I clutching at straws? Worrying unnecessarily? Since she got the chillow she has mostly been bone dry in the morning or, at worst, slightly damp but this morning she was soaking wet.
I really need to get a grip and enjoy my mums reprieve. I feel guilty knowing how many of you would love to be told you, or your loved one, is NED. Sorry for the rant think I just needed to verbalise how I feel to try to make sense of it, although I haven't. Made sense of it that is! This is a steep learning curve that's for sure.
