December 9th 2009 - Our GP paid a visit, wish he hadn't!

Mum has just sobbed her heart out for the first time since her diagnosis.  I could see it coming over the past few days since her hair started falling out and she's been a bit short with me when I keep asking if she's taken her painkillers even though half the time she's forgotten.  She said tonight how is she supposed to remember if she's not in pain and I said she's not in pain because of the meds so she must remember to take it.  We had words, something we've not done for years and then she fell into my arms saying she was sorry and sobbed her heart out.  She's gone to bed now and I can't stop crying.  I'm so sad and scared.  I'm trying to be strong and positive but it's hard.  I love her so much and can't bear to see her suffering like that.  I hope the oncologist can give us some good news tomorrow that the chemo has done some good.  We both need a boost.  Well that's my rant over.  I'll go and dry my eyes and try to get some sleep.

((((((hugs))))) Celiswan...I havent replied to you before but have read your blogs. I feel for you and your dear Mum, sometimes these Drs have no tact at all...I had very similar things happen when my mum and my sister were ill too.

I remember an evening when my sister and I had words too...it broke my heart at the time so I understand how you are feeling but its normal to go through this, its a build up of all the terrible stress you are both going through. You and your Mum are grieving for the life she had before this evil disease and it will help to cry and get these feelings out..

Tomorrow is a new day for you both, try and get some rest..all that crying is exhausting..i remember it well...

I really hope you get some better news tomorrow.

(((((hugs))))

scarlet xxxx

Hi Caroline

Hope the visit to the oncologist goes well.

Your Mum has had an upsetting week having lost her hair etc. We all try and be brave in front of our nearest and dearest but at times it all becomes too much. A good cry is no bad thing.

Love

Sue xxxxx

Hi Caroline, so sorry to hear about this, you and your mum really didn't need any more stress. I'm lucky my husband didn't leave me when I was having treatment I was horrid to him sometimes, I didn't mean it of course and we shed a few tears too  Hope the appointment goes well tomorrow, love and hugs to you and Mum, Jay xx.

I'm 46

I've had cancer 3 times in 27 years

It's always so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that every ache or pain is related to cancer

Sometimes it is, sometimes not

In my own case, I have never felt sick or ill, just the annual blood test since my first diagnosis that has indicated a return of the problem

Now THAT's a grim reaper event! waiting to find out if you'r OK or not.

When It's not, each time it's Chemo and surgery that's sorted me out, Chemo isn't a last resort (or at least not in my case) I've never had radiotherapy!, treatment is entirely about what works with what condition. Mine is chemo then surgery, but now it's acknowledged that no one has any idea of what my future prognosis might be, because my cancer returns about every 10 - 15 years and the last surgery did not remove all  of the bad stuff because it was attached to an artery and they didn't have the surgical backup to complete the needed arterial graft

But

I am here today and I am not in any pain

I am back at work

I survive

Until tomorrow

What I mean is that its always frightening, and horrible not just for the sufferer but also for their supporters

But it's never a foregone conclusion "it aint over till the fat lady sings and I Aint heard no fat lady"

:O)

I will pray that your mums back pain is just that.