I've just been reading my blog post from when mum was first diagnosed. They vary from very sad to extremely positive and happy. I've just read the post I made on December 31st 2009, how quickly things can change. Here it is:-
Mum went for her chest x-ray this morning and then we saw the oncologist. I was very nervous although I was aware that mum seems better and says she feels quite well. We went into the room and then Dr Mehta and Christine, mums CNS, came in with big smiles on their faces. Dr Mehta asked how mum had been feeling, how was her breathing etc. She then explained about the back pain she's been having but confirmed that she has suffered with lower back pain for a few years on and off. She also asked him to look at her bald head as she still has lots of wee spots on it. He said to try E45 rather than sudocrem and says if there are any more yellow heads that maybe her GP could give her an antibiotic. He wasn't unduly worried and said it was probably just her head sweating in her wig that was causing it.
After he checked her all out he said that he was delighted with how she has responded to the chemo and that the x-ray looked good, the cancer is shrinking! Mum is absolutely thrilled. We know it's terminal and can't be cured but the fact that it's responding to treatment at the moment is fabulous news and has really helped her feel even more positive as we approach 2010.
I am so proud of my mum, at 74 she has taken everything that's been thrown at her remarkably well, and apart from before she had her head shaved, has never shed a tear or felt in the least bit sorry for herself. She has been so positive but I could see today that up until now she has been hiding the fact that she is worried and scared as she looked so relieved and happy to get the news. She walked slowly into th hospital this morning at 8.30am and practically skipped out some two hours later!
A really good day!!
We were so full of hope at this time last year. Dr Mehta and Christine were so pleased to give us the good news that the cancer was shrinking. How things change but the one thing that hasn't is that I am still so incredibly proud of my mum and the way she handled her illness. I know she worried about me, I know all she ever wanted was for me to be happy.
So, although I am heartbroken that you are no longer with me mum, I will do my best to move forward into 2011 in the way you would want me to. It won't be easy but I will get there!
I love this picture of mum and I, I have it framed in black and white in my dining room. We both look so happy and yet it was a few years after we had lost my dad. Looking at it gives me hope that one day I will be happy again.
