lost my dad just a day over two weeks ago. he was my world. we were so close. we worked together and when off from work we spent time together to.
from diagnosis to death was a month. yet he wasnt feeling right for over 4 months. for him not seeing a doctor after my nagging that upsets me.
he died of lung cancer. it felt that when he was diagnosed he stopped being my dad. he went in to a kind of not careing mode. thats what scared me most. we were so close that he couldnt see me like he did. he did make the effort to wave to me tho when we left his room every day. he was told he had mets to the brain thats when we knew why he wasnt there peoperly. but it didnt matter , he would forget it all.when he was awake he wasnt my dad. then a massive ( something happened) i came in that morning and he had gone from being what was left of the man i know as my dad to being asleep. he was slipping away so fast im still having trouble remembering who he was. iv lost my dad and i cant think back to 3 months ago when he was my dad. that scares me. he woke a few times . im so so thankfull of them. he couldnt talk and was so lost he was my dad in looks only. but was my dad that gave that wave. he drifted away. my dad who i looked up to and was my rock just drifted away. then i looked at him in the hospital bed as a ill man and knew it was just a shell not my dad. for the days we had i am thankfull. for taking my dad i am evil. to young. i wasnt ready to lose him and i am not ready to carry on without him. the last day he had he hugged my mum so hard. then we went home. i returned in the early hours after a phone call. the heat still on him as we arrived, i could feel his sweat but my dad was gone.
