There are a few things that I'd like to share with you. Throughout my ordeal, right from the start I have had amazing support from my family and friends.
They have shown great love. My children have been amazing and my youngest has shown fantastic maturity over these past couple of months, she's helped me so much especially now I'm recovering from my surgery, she is amazing and I love her very much.
My eldest daughter has helped me immensely, just by being at the end of the phone. When I'm feeling low, I know I can rely on her to make me feel better about things, she really is a special person and her children, my Grandchildren have had to take in so much and credit to them they have been so mature about it all.
My son too has been a great help, he lives nearby and has been across and helped me when I needed it. It has amazed me how much he cares as he hardly shows his emotions and I know it's hit him hard.
My Grandchildren, what can I say? I love them so much, all seven of them. The older ones are old enough to understand and the little ones make me think how lucky I am. They don't understand what's happening, they are probably wondering why they get more cuddles lol.
My wonderful Dad unfortunately has Alzheimers and is in a nursing home, he doesn't know anything about my illness, he wouldn't be able to take it in and if he suddenly had a lucid moment I wouldn't want to plant that bombshell on him even if he forgot two minutes later.
I love my family with all my heart.
Now to my friends
Through Social Media I have made many friends over the years, some very close friends and they will be my friends for life.
They have followed my journey these past couple of months and have showed me love and kindness and sympathy for my plight. Two of my friends are going through a similar crisis and one in particular, I won't embarrass her by naming her but she knows who I mean, has been a rock. She too is awaiting treatment for cancer and we support each other. She was the first person I turned to when I got my diagnosis. We will help each other through this.
more to follow ....
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Hi all, I'm Shaz,
This is my story,
I thought I'd let you know a bit about myself. I am 56 years young and a mother of three (Divorced), two grown up with families of their own and a 15 year old daughter living with me. Life has been a struggle financially for about 37 years after I left home. The one thing I'm proud of is I think, well I know is that I have 3 well adjusted and decent human beings for children, albeit 2 big and one not so big.
I decided to write a blog about my personal experience since I found a lump in my breast, and through my experiences and treatments I hope I can help others who are going through the same thing or similar. One thing I do know, before I had breast cancer, I was scared of even saying the word "Cancer" and never thought it would happen to me, there was no family history so I was never worried, but it did and I have to live with that, but I'm going to "live" with it and I already have a different outlook on life and for the good. Anyone wanting to comment can and I will reply the best I can.
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I was scared out of my mind when I found the lump, I immediately made an appointment to see my doctor although I was in two minds as I was terrified he's say it was suspicious and need to see a specialist, I was hoping it was nothing, but in my head I knew it wouldn't be. I am a strong person and decided I was going to just get on with it, didn't want to over think things as I would have crumbled. Just once I was tearful and that was when I told my children, but only after I'd been to see the Oncologist and had my biopsy results. I thought why worry them unnecessarily if it comes back benign?
I had several Mammograms, 3 biopsy's and 2 FNA's (fine needle aspirations done on that first visit, and then had to wait 2 weeks for the rsults which was stressful and I didn't sleep well at all. When it came to the results my son came with me as I needed some emotional support and was told the bad news that I had Inasive Lobular Cancer (stage 2), another lump was benign. There was some good news, my Lymph nodes looked clear and they found another anomoly 4mm which needed investigation. The main lump was approx 21mm across, but was told I needed an MRI to get the correct size, which was in 2 weeks. The MRI showed that the lump was in fact 17mm and not 21mm and the 4mm anomoly was in fact nothing to worry about. I had an outpatient surgery appointment made for the 1st of April ( I had pre-assessment appointment 2 days before). In the end I needed to stay in overnight as I didn't have an adult to stay with me for the first 24 hours. I'm glad really as the general anaesthetic made me very woozy. I went home at 7.00am the next morning ( i wanted to be home).
I am now awaiting my results which will be given to me next Monday 13th April, I'm just hoping the Lymph nodes are still shown to be clear and the margins taken out with the lump were cancer cell free. I wouldn't be happy if I needed more surgery.
I was told earlier that my ER and PR were positive 8:8 for both and they said that was the best it could be for hormone treatment, happy about that.
I was also told that I'd need Radiotherapy after my Wide Excision, and that I'd have to travel every day to Leeds (about 15miles away) for 3 weeks mon to fri.
Since I was first diagnosed I have read everything about my type of cancer, treatment and outlook. It has helped me a great deal in understanding whats happening to me and the cancer team at my hospital have been amazing.
Once the treatment is over, I know I'll have to take hormone therapy for at least 5 years, but I'm not thinking too much about that just yet, I want to concentrate on the here and now, deal with everything one at a time. I'm not thinking about the future, not until I have to.
But the main thing is I'm really positive and I tend on staying that way.
Shaz x
Life is precious, take it in both hands and run with it.
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07/04/2015 Tuesday
There are many emotions when you discover you have breast cancer, I know and I do. Three months ago I was healthy and no thoughts about cancer whatsoever, never thought I would either. But the day I discovered that lump (even now it's my lump, not my tumour) would changed my life and my outlook forever.
At first I was terrified, horrible morbid thoughts came to me, how do I tell the kids, what if it's bad news. Before when I'd read about cancer in the news or magazines I'd imagine how dreadful, operations, chemo, radiotherapy etc. etc. I was upset like many everytime a celebrity said they had breast cancer, Kylie comes to mind. I would think how lucky am I? I don't have it.
The first thing I did after I was diagnosed was read everything and I mean everything over and over again. I needed to have all the facts so that I could manage it in my head. So I went Googling, and even watched video's. There was a lot to take in, but I had to do it. I didn't want to be facing the surgeon/consultant in total ignorance.
Some of the tests were a little daunting but not overly unpleasant.
more to follow.......
08/04/2015 Wednesday
It's now 7 days since my surgery, getting slightly anxious about the results which I should get on Monday 13th April. If they took enough margins I'd be happy and happier still if it was clear of any cancer cells. Also I should know if any of the cancer cells had travelled into my Lymph nodes. Fingers crossed that it's all clear and then it's only radiation therapy and hormone tablets.
I'm not going to pretend it's not been painful as it has been and still is, but it's getting a little better every day and that'll do for me.
I have joined We Are MacMillan Support Forums,http://community.macmillan.org.uk/home.aspx and met many people who have the same specific cancer as me and going through similar treatment and at similar times too, which is a great help as we can share experiences and buck each other up.
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09/04/2015
Got a phone call today from the cancer nurse at the hospital and she informed me that my appointment would have to be put back as they hadn't received my test results, so waiting for a new one. More waiting.
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10/04/2015
A little sore under my "op" arm today. I think the more advanced exercises were started too early. It's been pulling and a little swollen.
Good news today, a friend who I've met on the MacMillan forum has been given the all clear with her margins after she had her Lumpectomy two weeks ago, brilliant news for her, just radiation therapy for her now.
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11/04/2015
Two days ago I started my more advance exercises and I think it was too early, I was fine with the basic ones and I'm sticking to those for a few days for now. My under arm was a little swollen yesterday and I think it might have been because I was struggling with the harder exercises.
The worst part is when I'm comfortable and for a split second I forget and reach for something, then I feel the pull and my goodness it's sore, I had stopped taking paracetomol as much, mainly because it was hiding the pain too much but have started again.
Still positive :)
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12/04/2015
Day 11 after surgery.
Sleeping much better now. Can even sleep on the affected side for a short while. Breast scar is hardly tender at all now, but the under arm is still sore. Still a lot of bruising. Just about to do my first of three daily exercises and still sticking to basic ones apart from the sliding arm up the door and holding for ten, I can manage that. Must remember to "warm down" after because I keep forgetting to.
Underarm quite painful today, so exercising is difficult. Will take it easy today, but back to exercising tomorrow.
