coming full circle WHAT IF !!

1 minute read time.

This Monday I have my first check up with the breast clinic now feeling quite nervious about it .

In april 2010 I went there feeling well but I had a little lump and being 42 I wasn't to worried about it but then the arse fell out of the world I knew , when he told me I had cancer .I have learnt alot since then like who my real friends are and I'm greatful for that i will cherish them all for ever.

The rollercoaster ride started, tests, scans lumpectomy thinking I would just need radiation but the nasty little cancer cells had travelled to the lymph node so node clearance then chemo going bald which I kind of like to be honest very freeing  then radiation which finished xmas eve so what a ride 2010 was for me and my family . Took in all in my stride and mainly with a smile and a few tears and some laughs.

And now I'm over the nasty side effect of both the chemo and radiation and the hair is growing and I'm feeling well which brings me back to how I felt going into the breast clinic that first time ,ok I going in this time lump free but I'm still frighten of sitting in that room with the doctor ,you would think with all of the hospital visits and appointment during treatment it would get easier ,but I was having treatment all to deal with the nasty little unwanted visitor. but now that has stopped and as time draws closure to my breast clinic appointment my mind is in overdrive what if one little cell didn't get wiped out what if it like my boobs saw it as home .

rambling a bit now but its just WHAT IF not 100% sure I could face it again with the same positivtity .

 

Feeling better for just getting that out of my head

Jackie xxxx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Jackie,

    Im afraid the fear will never go away. thats the way that our minds work always remembering the first time. No what Ifs allowed on this site. If it does come back you will be just as positive as you where the first time only this time you will know what you are facing but we are jumping the gun here, wait until you have seen your consultant.

    Good luck for Monday. I will be thinking about you.

    Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Jackie

    Will you behave please !! - you are such a strong positive person and with that outlook you can beat the world - let alone a couple of thoughts about stray cells - you know so well - a day at a time  - we can waste so much time thinking about things that we can't change or will never happen - live today to the max - by the way - I loved the head style and thought the photo was fantastic - lol

    Can understand the slight unease at the back of your mind - the 'what ifs' - but you know what some don't - the little bugger can be beaten !!

    Love and Hugs

    J xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Sorry Jackie - pressed the worong key - should not get up this early ! Good Luck on Monday and please keep us updated - ok ?

    J xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Good luck, i went through it all last year too but had single masectomy. I went for mammogram one week ago, it was weird putting just one boob to be tested!!!! But anyway, had results on friday and it was clear. i am sure you will be too.

    Good Luck Love Kaz x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    thanks folks  i think i was just having a wobble felt better just for writing it down x