My name is Gill, I am 33. I grew up in the North West with the greatest parents in the world.
I am a fixer of things - people and problems and this is the story of how I am trying to cope with the biggest 'problem' that I cannot fix or mend or even paper over.
My mum was first diagnosed with cancer in 2005, it was uterine and she had a full abdominal hysterectomy. This was followed by radiotherapy, all went well.
The following summer she began to experience symptoms of an inner ear disorder, her balance went and she began loosing weight. In september she was diagnosed with a brain tumour. We thought at that point we had lost her.
She had surgery followed by chemo and radiotherpay. We went through the loosing the hair and sickness and things started to look up.
The following February she was diagnosed with lung cancer. This has since spread to include bone cancer and a further brain tumor. More chemo, more radiotherapy.
In the last few weeks she has started to deteriorate quickly. My dad is caring for her at home and my brother and I try to help as much as we can.
She is now bed ridden and in constant pain and is slowly loosing her sense of self.
I am sad, I am angry, I am scared, I am worried, I am powerless. I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my brain, that my head aches just from trying to keep up.
I don't know what to do - I don't know what to say - I cannot make this better.
